Many I's In Me
I tremble as Older reveals her mystery -
There are many I's in me -
All beholder and what I see
May none of them be the judge of me
Welcome to Many I's In Me Part 3 - Blessings
In Part 1 - The Courage to Feel, I talked about the judgment I, the young child placed on I, the early adolescent. I encourage you to read part 1 now if you haven't already or if you would like a refresher.
In Part 2 - From Surviving To Thriving!, I talked about the judgment I, the mid-life adult, judged the I, the young adult's, passion for romance. I encourage you to read part 2 now if you haven't already or if you would like a refresher.
Recall from Parts 1 and 2:
I, the mid-life adult, judged the I, the young adult's, passion for romance to be the cause of all my past, present, and future suffering, and so locked it into a box with no intention of release.
A newcomer, I, the second-half-of-life adult, has found the key to the lock box and is circulating a petition for clemency, which as you might imagine, is seriously rocking my boat.
All the I's in me are happy to tell you that the petition for clemency circulated by I, the second-half-of-life adult, has been signed unanimously.
I am, for the first time in 17 years, open to having a romantic relationship.
My sexuality coach (yes, there is such thing) said that we attract what we are ready for, and I have found that to be true, I did indeed attract a romantic relationship into my life shortly after became open to having one, and the experience has enriched my life more than I could have imagined.
The biggest blessing has been realizing that I have healed. Triggers have come up, and I have handled them without getting the present confused with the past. Intense feelings of longing and passion have come up also, but I did not let them cloud my judgment as before. It was not that I choose to let them cloud my judgment before, but that I had neither the self-knowledge or self-love to prevent them doing so.
I've had two more experiences that I believe are related.
Shortly before Thanksgiving I was luxuriating in a hot bath, one of my favorite ways to relax. I often listen to music or an audio book while soaking, but I opted not to this time. Into the quiet of my mind came the sound of my father's spirit saying, " I am so PROUD of you!" I do not know if my father was alive or dead at the time, but I do know it was his spirit that said these words. This beautiful experience enabled me to realize that even people who choose to use their mind and body for monstrous cruelty and harm have spirits that are innately good and infinitely loving.
When I shared this experience with my mother, she asked which part of me heard the message. "All" I replied. "All the I's In Me."
To understand the second experience, I need to tell you a dream I had about 30 years ago in which I opened my mouth and all my teeth instantly and painlessly fell out. Out of curiosity, I researched the symbolism of teeth falling out in dreams, and found one possible meaning was that teeth represented ideas or ways of thinking and teeth falling out symbolized letting go of these ideas. Whether you agree with this interpretation in unimportant for the purpose of this inspiration. What is important is that this is the interpretation I made of the dream.
After I heard my father's spirit tell me he was proud of me, all my teeth fell out. I instantly and effortlessly let go of my anger and hatred towards him. I didn't need them because they didn't serve me anymore.
This blessed release enabled me to do what I once thought impossible - forgive him.
What teeth are you holding in your head?
Do they serve you? if not, are ready to let them go?
If the answer is yes, reach out to me!
Joyce Collins is a life coach who specializes in helping women who were sexually abused as a child to transform themselves into confident women who love themselves and lead fulfilling lives.