Journey From Judging to Embracing Part 1 - From Hatred to Forgiveness

Life-ful Place 

I find I want to kill what I am afraid to embrace -
whether it be spiders, roaches or male sexuality
 
Now I am called to see them not as monsters,
but as Love with a new face
 
This thought once impossible, has become but improbable -
that everything contained in life has a life-ful place

This poem is rich with insight and inspiration. In fact, it's got so much good stuff to think about, I'm going to break it into two parts, one this blog and the other the next blog.

Let's look at the first line.

I find I want to kill what I am afraid to embrace -

This insight into my motivation to kill came to me out of the blue. My experiences created the fears, deeply ingrained them into my psyche. From my fears sprang judgment that what I fear doesn't have the right to exist - at least not in my life. 

I was OK with that. Cool. I know myself better - awesome. 

What is your reaction to what I just told you? 

Are you thinking that I shouldn't think that way? Everybody has the right to their opinion? I can totally relate? Something I haven't mentioned?

I ask for your reaction because thinking about it brings awareness. Awareness is the first step toward raising consciousness, and I am all about raising people's consciousness.

Now consider the second line.

whether it be spiders, roaches or male sexuality

Why am I afraid to embrace spiders, roaches and male sexuality? I've been traumatized by all three.

I've killed countless spiders and roaches on sight in the unquestioning belief that I was ridding my world of a monster, and monsters do not have the right to exist.

I have neither killed a man nor obliterated a his sexuality, but I have believed that I had the right to, particularly  in the case of my father. I believed his sexuality is what made him a monster because that is how he hurt me. I came to the conclusion that the world would be a better place if male sexuality did not exist and that I would make it so given the chance. 

My judgment gave me a sense of safety and a sense of control. I was afraid to embrace what had traumatized me in the past because I was certain I would have the same experience. If they didn't exist, I didn't have to live with the risk of being hurt again.

At the same time, the judgment closed my mind to the possibility of a new experience, one I couldn't imagine while looking through the lens of fear.

Who or what are the monsters in your life? Who or what do you fear so much that you want to kill?

What does this perception of them do for you?

What does it do to you?


Let's look at the next line.

Now I am called to see them not as monsters,

Remember I said I was OK with being motivated by fear to kill? I filed this insight in the back of my mind as something interesting, but nothing to act on.

Well, that changed. My higher power called me to change my perception, to let go of my judgment.

"OK," I thought. I could consider them not as monsters. I could rationalize that they were just being themselves, and I could forgive them for being what they were. They couldn't help it - they were just made that way. I could tolerate them.

What happened here? How did this change come about? I'll tell you.

I shifted core energy levels from level 2 to level 3.

Recall from my I've Seen the World From Both Sides Now blog that the core thought associated with level 2 is conflict, the core emotionis anger, and the action is defiance.

In level 3, the core thought is responsibility, the core emotion is forgiveness, and the action is cooperation.

I took responsibility for my perception which enabled me to change it. Changing my perception enabled me to let go of the judgment of malicious intent associated with monsters. Letting go of this judgment in turn enabled me to forgive and change my actions from hate and kill to forgive and tolerate.  I could cooperate with their existence instead of destroying them.

This shift from level 2 to level 3 is pivotal because level 3 is the first anabolic core energy level in the Energetic Self Perception Chart. Anabolic energy is constructive because it increases awareness of our True Self, which brings success in life.

This concludes part 1. I leave you with two questions to consider.

In what aspect of your life are you living at core energy level 2? 

How would your life be different if you shifted your energy to level 3?

If you are struggling to answer these questions or would like help shifting your energy, schedule a complimentary session with me today.

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