to feel what I don’t
to act like I do
to give without receiving
because of who I am to you
to comfort when I am grieving
when I don’t know what to do
to agonize over the desire to cut ties and be done,
to cauterize the wound,
to cut ties and move on
to try to make you happy
to do what I think I should
to be a good person
to do what a good person would
Can you relate to this poem?
Do you feel like you have to choose between taking care of yourself or taking care of someone you feel obligated to? Do you agonize over this choice because it seems like you can't win?
Should's are part of the human condition. Everyone feels pressure to meet expectations, whether their own or others' expectations. It is human to agonize over the decision to meet or not meet these expectations. It is also human to feel shame about the choice we make and even about the struggle to decide!
I learned in coach training that "should" is "could" with shame attached, and that a good coach does not let clients "should" all over themselves. This play on words brings a powerful image to my mind because it sounds analogous to something babies do to themselves. (I will leave the details to your imagination.)
Decisions that bring peace are aligned with the values of your true self - the person you were created to be. What values are important to you, and how are they showing up in your life?
To help you bring your decisions in alignment with your values, I'm offering a free Values Assessment, which you can download here.
I am available to answer questions about the assessment and help you use it to make positive changes in your life.
Would you like to receive weekly inspirations like this in your inbox?
Joyce Collins is a life coach who specializes in helping women who were sexually abused as a child to transform themselves into confident women who love themselves and lead fulfilling lives.