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The One

3/17/2019

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I'm going to do a little something different in this inspiration. Normally, you would see a poem at the beginning and I would weave it into an inspirational message.

However this time, there are three poems I wish to share and much to say about them, so I will show you one at a time and discuss each in turn.

"The One" expresses a life-long longing stemming from my childhood.

"Deaf Until I Listen,"is also related to my childhood, although surprisingly I wrote it prior to my memories of incest surfacing.

"In," is a powerful poem of self-discovery.
Picture
The One

I see your face at the end of wait
The one day of someday 
The liquid of longing gone past
It is to me the fulfillment of dreams,
the soothing of wounds,
the rising of joy at last
All this would be so,
I know, I know
if your lot with mine
were cast
What or who comes to mind for you when you think of The One?

When I wrote this poem and for a long time after, "the one" was the perfect romantic partner with whom to share my life. This person would heal the wounds of my past by filling the gaping whole in my soul with love, affirmation, and affection. 

I was certain beyond any doubt that happiness, joy and fulfillment were to be found only in an intimate relationship with such a person. I was also certain that only one person in the world could be my life mate, hence my belief in The One.

In my coach training I learned that 

The answers to all questions lie within.

This principle means that when we look inward to ourselves, we find what we are looking for, whatever we are looking for - self-esteem, confidence, the solution to a problem, or the pathway to fulfill a dream to name a few.

This is not to say that relationship with others is not important, but the contribution of those relationships to our life depends entirely on the relationship with self. 

The first principle leads to two more:

Each one of us is a perfect unique energy force.

Each of us is greater and wiser than we appear to be.


We come here as complete perfect beings with a seed of self- knowing and self-loving at our center. 

That seed grows into consciousness when we look for it where it's always been - inside.
Deaf Until I Listen

I try to make her see it -
this wounded child of mine
Nothing is as it was
There's no reason for the pain
But she is deaf until I listen,
rigid until I yield
all-consuming until I surrender,
lame until I bridge the gap
and walk it back again.
This wounded child of mine refers to my inner child - the part of me that was carrying old pain I hadn't dealt with. She was all-consuming, calling constantly and loudly for my attention. I chose not to listen because I did not want to feel pain.  

I tried rationalizing that there was no reason for me to be in pain now because I was out of the situation that caused the pain. Nothing is as it was. There's no reason for the pain. This argument did not hold water with my inner child - she was deaf to me.

I still did not listen. I wanted to feel happy, so I dedicated my attention to finding The One.

I thought I had found The One 10 times. Each time, I tried to inspire love by handing over an emotional blank check, believing I would receive happiness in return.

Each relationship ended in devastation from being rejected. I believed that what I had to offer was not enough to inspire the love I longed for, so I did not deserve it.  

I am sure you will not be surprised to learn that I was often in the grips of a depression, which grew deeper with each failed attempt to find The One. 

I eventually came to the conclusion that The One does not exist.

This new belief opened my mind to looking elsewhere for happiness.

I began to pay attention to inner child, who had never stopped calling me inward. I finally yielded. I surrendered my abject determination to  avoid pain  I bridged the gap between us.  I listened to her story and felt her pain - my pain.

The pain was all-consuming as I feared it would be, but feeling it, holding space for it, showed me I could heal my hurt myself. ​
In
 
I never thought to live in my house,
To renovate the rooms
I only sought to get out -
To live in something new
 
 
Ten times I left, Ten times I built
That house again the same
From breakfast nook to ceiling fan
From brick to window pane
 
 
In my rage I tore it down -
Stripped in to the frame
And in the end found myself out
Through a door that opened in
My house in this poem represents me. Renovate the rooms means to work on myself.

Wanting to live in something new represents my desire to leave the self I don't like behind, and find the person I want to be in an outside experience. 

The ten times I left that house and built it again the same are the ten unsuccessful attempts to find happiness in a relationship with The One.

I had a custom house built in my twenties. Shortly after moving in I realized that I had designed the house to be exactly like my childhood home - from breakfast nook to ceiling fan, from brick to window pane.

In my rage, I tore it down, stripped it to the frame. Rage at being unable to find what I wanted through The One, led me to abandon the belief that The oneexisted. I let go of the idea that I needed someone else to heal my wounds.

And in the end found myself out through a door that opened in represents the result of working on my relationship with myself by looking inward.
Picture
I found out that  I am the source of my happiness, I have the ability to heal my wounds and fulfill my dreams.

I am The One.   

You are The One in your life too.

Having trouble believing this? 

If you are willing to do the hard work of healing, I can help you through coaching. 

Reach out to me!

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I've Seen the World From Both Sides Now

12/28/2018

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Picture
Rage

I feel the strength in my arms
shooting out my fists -
Pummeling, Pummeling, Pummeling
until exhaustion relinquishes my mind
back to reason
My eyes open and I see
what I have done
What do you think is going on in this poem?

Am I fighting off an attacker? Am I unleashing a blind rage on a harmless person? Or something else entirely?

No matter the interpretation, it's clear there's a powerful energy behind my actions.

I learned in iPEC coach training that there are two types of energy - anabolic and catabolic. Anabolic energy is constructive, and catabolic energy is destructive.

Which type of energy is fueling my actions in this poem? I'll give you a hint.

Think about the words Pummeling, Pummeling, Pummeling. 

What does pummeling do? Yes, it destroys, so catabolic energy is fueling my actions in this poem.

Our culture tends to label destructive as negative and constructive as positive, but I challenge you to think beyond this simplistic good-and-bad thinking. 

Both types of energies have advantages and disadvantages.

Consider the interpretation that I am fending off an attacker. What is the advantage of the catabolic energy in this scenario?

The catabolic energy that powers my pummeling is protecting me from harm.

How do you interpret the last four lines in this scenario?

until exhaustion relinquishes my mind
back to reason
My eyes open and I see
what I have done


Could I see my attacker defeated and powerless? Could I be amazed at my own strength and ability to defend myself? Could I be glad this primal emotion took over?

__________________________________________________________

What about the scenario where I'm relieving the stress of pent up rage by attacking someone who means me no harm?

Is acting from catabolic energy a disadvantage or advantage in this situation? Think again about the last four lines:

until exhaustion relinquishes my mind 
back to reason
My eyes open and I see
what I have done


What have I done? I have harmed an innocent and, in doing so, harmed myself because my actions are misaligned with my True Self.

My True Self takes responsibility for my feelings and respects others' right to be safe with me when they are not a threat.

Can you see the advantage of anabolic energy in this situation? Conversely, acting from anabolic energy in the face of an attacker is a distinct disadvantage because it it misaligned with my True Self's value of self-preservation.

In my You Are What You Speak blog, I introduced you to the concept of core energy, and we looked at the characteristics of level 1 energy.

I encourage you to look again at Bruce D Schneider's Energetic Self Perception Chart, and find the core energy level I was in when I wrote this poem.

Here are some questions to consider?

What is my core thought? What is my core emotion? What is my action?

If you said level 2, you are right.

My core thought is conflict, my core emotion is anger, and my action is defiance.

Core energy levels 1 and 2 are catabolic. As I said earlier, catabolic energy has both advantages and disadvantages, but in the long term, it is a disadvantage because staying in catabolic energy eventually destroys the person in it.

The purpose of my coaching is to raise the anabolic energy of the world one person at a time.

If you would like to raise your anabolic energy, I can help you.

Schedule a complimentary session with me today!

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    Joyce Collins is a life coach who specializes in helping women who were sexually abused as a child to transform themselves into confident women who love themselves and lead fulfilling lives.

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