Many I's In Me
I tremble as Older reveals her mystery -
There are many I's in me -
All beholder and what I see
May none of them be the judge of me
Welcome to Many I's In Me Part 2 - From Surviving To Thriving!
In Part 1 - The Courage to Feel, I talked about the judgment I, the young child placed on I, the early adolescent. I encourage you to read part 1 now if you haven't already or if you would like a refresher.
Now I will tell you about another judgment among the many I's of me, the consequences of this judgment, and the benefit of releasing it.
I, the mid-life adult, judged the I, the young adult's, passion for romance to be the cause of all my past, present, and future suffering, and so locked it into a box with no intention of release.
In doing so, I, the mid-life adult, created a block, specifically, an assumption block.
A block is something that restricts you. An assumption block is created by the belief that what has happened will happen again.
What had happened was a string of toxic romantic relationships, each resulting in devastating emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds for all the I's in me.
I, the mid-life adult assumed that continuing to pursue romantic relationships would bring more of the same.
Recall from Part 1:
All of the I's in me have lived peacefully and happily ever since - until recently,
A newcomer, I, the second-half-of-life adult, has found the key to the lock box and is circulating a petition for clemency, which as you might imagine, is seriously rocking my boat.
How can coaching steady the boat?
If I were coaching a client on clearing the assumption block, I would ask, "What's different about you now from you then?"
The answer to this question for me is that my intent is different.
Previously, I wanted a romantic relationship to heal my wounds, to fill the hole I felt inside, and to bring me joy that I believed I could not experience within myself. Now I heal my wounds. I have experienced joy within myself that I had not known possible.
My life is rich, but now I want it to be richer. My intent now is to live life fully with every part of myself.
All the I's in me are happy to tell you that the petition for clemency circulated by I, the second-half-of-life adult, has been signed unanimously.
What is the benefit of releasing this assumption block?
Well, I'll tell you. The last obstacle on my path from surviving to thriving has dissolved. I am, for the first time in 17 years, open to having a romantic relationship.
How about you?
Is there a situation from your past that you fear experiencing again?
Do you avoid the possibility of being in the same situation because you assume the experience will be the same?
If so, what is different about you now from you then?
How does this new you change the possible outcomes ?
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts! Write to me!
I keep a jar of mayo in my fridge
not for sandwiches, but for
my homeless friends
who wade humbly into lanes of stopped traffic
carrying small cardboard signs
I am touched by their circumstances, call them over
"What's your name," I ask
Everyone tells me their name -
Ron, Susan, JW, Sara, Donald, Reggie, Dominic, Terry, Daniel…
"I'm Joyce," I say as I reach my right arm out to shake hands -
hands cut, calloused, cracked, caring, kind
With my left, I hand the bill -
"I hope this helps you"
Sometimes I am rewarded with a hug, a head touch, a kiss -
Always, "Thank you," Always, "God bless" -
They look at me as if I am an angel
and I feel like one -
I know I have met God on the street!
The mayo is a home remedy for hair-sharing
an inconvenience for a night
In exchange for heart-sharing,
I gladly pay the price
I used to be extremely uncomfortable when I saw the ragged people with their cardboard signs walking through stopped traffic. As they approached my car, I squirmed, hoping the light would turn green so I could drive on before they reached me.
I dreaded making eye contact because it was then that I felt most keenly the disparity between the prosperity of my life and the poverty of theirs. I felt guilty because of this disparity.
I got past this mental block when I realized that I did not need to feel guilty for the disparity between my prosperity and their poverty. Although I saw the disparity as unjust, I was not responsible for its existence.
I chose to become a person who neither accepts responsibility for suffering I did not create, nor turns a blind eye to it. This is my True Self.
The foundation principle below captures my transformation:
Each moment describes who we are and gives us the opportunity to decide if that's who we want to be.
Letting go of the guilt enabled me to look at these human beings on the fringe of society - to make eye contact, to touch and be touched by them.
This poem "Touched" describes the many ways and levels at which my homeless friends and I touch each other's lives.
I feel emotionally touched:
I am touched by their circumstances
We give and receive physical and emotional touch :
"I'm Joyce," I say as I reach my right arm to shake hands
Sometimes I am rewarded with a hug, a head touch, a kiss -
We give and receive spiritual touch:
They look at me as if I am an angel and I feel like one -
I know I have me God on the street!
Is there something blocking you from being or even seeing your True Self?
Do you have moments when you want to be a different person, but feel trapped by the person you have been?
Each moment offers the possibility to change - to see and be your True Self.
As always, I love to hear your thoughts!
The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree
Welcome to Part 2 of the Sharing Tree Inspiration!
If you have not read Part 1 or would like to refresh your memory, click here.
This poem is about the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with the book, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it online via this PDF. which has the full text and illustrations.
For my readers who do not want to read the whole story, I have written the summary below of the parts of the story relevant to this inspiration:
A little boy loves an apple tree, which he climbs and plays in every day, and the tree loves the boy. As the boy ages, he loses interest in climbing the tree and often leaves the tree alone for long periods of time. The tree misses the boy terribly.
One day the boy comes to the tree to ask for money, and the tree offer's the boy her apples to sell so he can get money and be happy. The boy takes the apples without thanking the tree and goes away for a long time. The tree is sad again.
This boy comes to the tree between long intervals throughout his life. Each time he requests the tree to give him something else, and tree does so at her own expense.
In addition to giving the boy her apples, the tree gives him her branches and then her trunk, until all that is left of her is a stump, which she also gives to him, hence the nameThe Giving Tree.
The Giving Tree is happy every time she sacrifices part of herself for the boy because she thinks the sacrifices make him happy, and that's all that matters to her.
At the end of the book, when the Giving Tree has given literally all of herself to make the boy happy, he is still not happy.
When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.
What does loving mean to you?
What do you believe about giving and receiving?
What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?
In Part 1, I explored these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first catabolic (destructive) Core Energy levels, level 1 and level 2.
For Part 2, I will explore the same questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first two anabolic (constructive) Core Energy levels - level 3 and level 4.
I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog.
If you are new to the concept of Core Energy, you may find yourself overwhelmed by all the information.
This is perfectly normal
Don't give up! Just take your time reading the inspiration. Use the links I've included to explore earlier inspirations in which I introduce the concept of Core Energy in detail.
Stop when your brain feels full, and come back to it when you are rested.
Level III Mindset
Let's look at the tree's response from a level 3 mindset .
I was angry with you for abandoning me, but I forgive you. I understand that you need to make your way in the world. I could give you my apples to sell, but I need them to reproduce. I'll make a deal with you. When my apple seeds produce enough trees to meet my needs, l'll give you the left over apples.
I introduced core energy level 3 in my Journey from Judging to Embracing Part 1 blog.
The core thought at level 3 is responsibility, which might show up like this:
I realize my frustration and anger are coming from my perspective. If I look at the situation differently, I will feel better.
The core emotion is forgiveness, which might show up like this:
People aren't intentionally wasting my time by bringing me their problems. They just aren't capable of solving the problems on there own. I forgive them for being incompetent.
The result of level 3 core thought and core emotion is cooperation, which might show up like this:
I don't particularly like the people I work with, but I make my best effort to get along so we can do the job right.
Do you see level 3 core characteristics in the tree's response? If so, where?
How does level 3 energy show up for you?
What does loving mean to a person in the level 3 energy mindset?
Loving myself, meeting my needs, comes first.
I want other people to feel loved too, but not at my expense.
What does a person in the level 3 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?
I see value in both giving and receiving, but receiving enough to meet my needs is more important to me than giving to meet others' needs.
What does a person in the level 3 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?
Only I can make myself feel happy or any other emotion because I know my feelings change depending on my interpretation.
I can't make anyone happy because their feelings change depending on their interpretation.
Level IV Mindset
Let's look at the tree's response from a level 4 mindset.
My apples are your apples. Take all you want.
The core thought at level 3 is concern, which might show up like this:
You seem sad. What's wrong?
The core emotion is compassion, which might show up like this:
It makes perfect sense that you're sad!.Your going through a very painful! experience!
The result of level 4 core thought and core emotion is service, which might show up like this:
How can I help you feel better?
Do you see level 4 core characteristics in the tree's response? If so, where?
How does level 4 energy show up for you?
How does a person in the level 4 energy mindset see love?
Love means giving without receiving without regard to the cost to me.
I want to be loved but that is not as important to me as loving others.
What does a person in the level 4 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?
Giving is better than receiving.
I like to receive, but giving is more important to me.
What does a person in the level 4 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?
A person can only make themselves happy. No one can do it for them.
I make myself happy by helping people. I feel happy when people appreciate what I do for them, but I don't take it personally if they don't.
I mentioned at the beginning that Core Energy levels 3 and 4 are the first anabolic energy levels. Now I'm asking you to look a little deeper.
What aspect of the level 3 mindset is anabolic?
What comes to mind for me is the freedom that comes when I realize that I am in control of my feelings instead of other people or my circumstance.
I'll give you an example from my life.
When I was working in my corporate job, I was miserable because I was burned out on the work and burned out on the corporate experience. I hated going to work. I felt powerless and angry. I felt trapped because I believed I could not be happy without the substantial reliable income the job provided, and I felt angry about being trapped.
When I decided to quit my job and pursue my dream of becoming a life coach, my perspective and my feelings about going to work changed completely. There was light at the end of the tunnel - a light I created for myself. My stress about going to work and doing the job reduced immediately and decreased steadily as I approached my last day on the job.
So what happened? Why did my feelings change? The job wasn't different. My financial situation wasn't different.
My feelings changed because my perspective changed, and my perspective changed because I changed my interpretation of my circumstance.
I realized that I felt trapped because I wasn't open to other possibilities of employment or other possibilities of career and income.
I shifted from the Core Energy level 1 mindset of "I am a powerless victim of circumstance." to the level 3 mindset of "I can change my feelings by choosing a different perspective. I can make myself happy."
Working with my life coach helped me make this energy shift.
This is what coaches do - empower you to shift from catabolic energy mindsets to anabolic energy mindsets.
After you shift to level 3, the sky is the limit for accomplishment and transformation as you shift into higher anabolic energy levels.
I leave these questions for you as food for thought:
What aspect of the level 4 mindset is anabolic?
What is an example of the level 4 energy mindset in your life?
Not there yet? That's OK. Think of a benefit of shifting from your current mindset to a higher energy level.
As always I would love to hear your thoughts!
Want to read Part Three? Click here.
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Joyce Collins is a life coach who specializes in helping women who were sexually abused as a child to transform themselves into confident women who love themselves and lead fulfilling lives.