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6/27/2019

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Picture
I Sought
 
I sought friends
Friends surround me

I sought relationship
Relationship found me
 
I sought love
Love becomes me

​Everyone knows that you must buy at least one ticket to win the lottery, but I have heard many people who never buy tickets tell me what they would do if they won.

Personally, I don't buy lottery tickets because I don't see them as a good investment. I would rather purchase a certainty in the now than a chance in the future. However, there is value in the concept of taking action to bring your dreams into reality.

For some, buying a ticket means investing money, for others investing time and effort. Sometimes buying a ticket is as simple as accepting an unexpected opportunity. The most challenging (and rewarding) means is to  summon up the courage to disregard the message in your head that says what you want is just not gonna happen.

I'll give you examples from recent events in my life.

I sought friends
Outside my family, I have one friend with whom I spend time regularly. As much as I enjoy her company, I have wanted more friends in my life for some time.

When I was working in the corporate world, I developed friendships with coworkers that I wanted to grow beyond the limits of the work day. When I suggested this to my friends, they were too busy to fit time into their schedule, or they expressed interest in the idea, but would not commit to setting a time and place,

I have a similar situation at my gym, where I have a wonderful community of friends. Our time together is limited to coincidences of being at the gym at the same time. I asked if they would be interested in getting together outside the gym, but I had no takers.

I was frustrated because I didn't know what else to try. 

Recently, I went to a party where I did not know any other guests.  When I asked if I could join a group of guests who were talking animatedly with each other, one of them said yes. I did not see a natural opportunity to join the conversation, so I sat quietly.

When a husband and wife couple started  collecting their cups and plates, the usual signs  of getting ready to leave, I felt disappointed that I had not met them.  I felt I was missing an opportunity to possibly meet new friends. They had not spoken to me, and  I was hesitant to speak to them because I was thinking something that I often think in similar situations, which is that people who have not talked to me do not want to talk to me.

However, I decided to  take a chance by introducing myself. I am so glad I did because we had an enjoyable conversation in which we discovered that we had much in common. By the end of the day, I was friends with them on Facebook and invited the wife to get together for lunch. We are having lunch together next weekend!

I then introduced myself to other guest at the table who turned out to be relatives of the host of the party. I had a great conversation with them too.

This experience built my confidence, so I introduce myself to other guests, to see what other doors of opportunity would open.

I met a woman who turned out to be a docent at two local museums. When I told her a friend and I were planning to go to one of these museums this week, she offered to show us around. I took her up on this offer, and the three of us had a wonderful time!  We made plans to meet again at the other museum where my friend is a docent.

I bought my ticket, I took a chance, and I won!

I sought friends,
Friends surround me


The investment I made was three fold:
  • Effort to go to the party
  • Effort to ask to join a group of guests
  • Courage to ignore the discouraging thought that the people I wanted to meet didn't want to meet me

I sought relationship
As I said earlier, I had reached out to friends at the gym to extend our friendship beyond the gym with no success. Although there were gym community events like happy hour at a bar or a tattoo party, but I didn't feel comfortable in these atmospheres, so I didn't go.

I had given up on this endeavor, when I happened to ask one of my gym friends if he had eaten at any of the organic restaurants in town. I had found some online and wondered if he had an opinion on them.
He said he didn't know there were any, so I told him the name of one.

I got a wonderful surprise! He said he loved that place, and asked if I'd like to go there with him. I accepted, of course!

I had lunch with him and his wife, another wonderful gym friend, at the restaurant. We had a great time and are going to other restaurants in the future. I am excited to develop these friendships into relationships beyond the physical space of the gym.

I sought relationship
Relationship found me


I bought my ticket, which was simply to accept the unexpected invitation.

I sought love
Something else I wanted more of in my life is opportunities to love and be loved. As you may know, I have homeless friends to whom I give money. I wanted to reach them in more ways, so I started bringing them food and hygiene supplies. I sat with them and listened to their stories and their struggles. I made new friends and strengthened existing friendships.

I learned that one of my friends was in jail for three months. I wanted to send him something meaningful other than money, so I sent my poem "Touched," in which I mention him by name. You can read this poem in my blog,  Choose Who You Want To Be .

This was of course the opportunity to love more that I was seeking, but I also received love that I was not expecting.

On separate occasions, I ran into two homeless friends I had not seen in months. I was very happy to see them and told them so. They said they were happy to see me too, and much to my surprise, said they had been worried about me because they hadn't seen me for so long.

They were worried about me!

They, who live day-to-day, hand-to-mouth, were worried about me!

I want to reiterate that I ran into these homeless friends, who do not know each other, on separate occasions and separate locations.

I am honored by and cherish this unexpected love.

I bought my ticket - I loved.

I sought love,
Love becomes me


What dreams you have for your life?

What are you willing to invest to bring them into reality?

Buy your ticket!

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!
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Sharing Tree Part Two

4/7/2019

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​Sharing Tree

The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree

Welcome to Part 2 of the Sharing Tree Inspiration!

If you have not read Part 1 or would like to refresh your memory, click here.

This poem is about the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with the book, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it online via this PDF.  which has the full text and illustrations.

For my readers who do not want to read the whole story, I have written the summary below of the parts of the story relevant to this inspiration:

A little boy loves an apple tree, which he climbs and plays in every day, and the tree loves the boy. As the boy ages, he loses interest in climbing the tree and often leaves the tree alone for long periods of time. The tree misses the boy terribly.

One day the boy comes to the tree to ask for money, and the tree offer's the boy her apples to sell so he can get money and be happy. The boy takes the apples without thanking the tree and goes away for a long time. The tree is sad again.

This boy comes to the tree between long intervals throughout his life. Each time he requests the tree to give him something else, and tree does so at her own expense.

In addition to giving the boy her apples, the tree gives him her branches and then her trunk, until all that is left of her is a stump, which she also gives to him, hence the nameThe Giving Tree. 

The Giving Tree is happy every time she sacrifices part of herself for the boy because she thinks the sacrifices make him happy, and that's all that matters to her.

At the end of the book, when the Giving Tree has given literally all of herself to make the boy happy, he is still not happy.
​

When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.
  1. Loving means giving without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  2. I can make someone happy by giving to them without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  3. I will be happy if I give without receiving regardless of the cost to me. 

What does loving mean to you?

What do you believe about giving and receiving?

What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?


In Part 1, I explored these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first catabolic (destructive) Core Energy levels, level 1 and level 2.


For Part 2, I will explore the same questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first two anabolic (constructive) Core Energy levels - level 3 and level 4. 

​​I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog. 

If you are new to the concept of Core Energy, you may find yourself overwhelmed by all the information.

This is perfectly normal

Don't give up! Just take your time reading the inspiration. Use the links I've included to explore earlier inspirations in which I introduce the concept of Core Energy in detail.

Stop when your brain feels full, and come back to it when you are rested.

Level III Mindset


Let's look at the tree's response from a level 3 mindset .

I was angry with you for abandoning me, but I forgive you. I understand that you need to make your way in the world. I could give you my apples to sell, but I need them to reproduce.  I'll make a deal with you. When my apple seeds produce enough trees to meet my needs, l'll give you the left over apples.

I introduced core energy level 3 in my Journey from Judging to Embracing Part 1 blog.

The core thought at level 3 is responsibility, which might  show up like this:

I realize my frustration and anger are coming from my perspective. If I look at the situation differently, I will feel better.

The core emotion is forgiveness, which might show up like this: 

People aren't intentionally wasting my time by bringing me their problems. They just aren't capable of solving the problems on there own. I forgive them for being incompetent.

The result of level 3 core thought and core emotion is cooperation, which might show up like this:

I don't particularly like the people I work with, but I make my best effort to get along so we can do the job right.

Do you see level 3 core characteristics in the tree's response? If so, where?

How does level 3 energy show up for you?

Q&A
What does loving mean to a person in the level 3 energy mindset?
Loving myself, meeting my needs, comes first. 
I want other people to feel loved too, but not at my expense.
 
What does a person in the level 3 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

I see value in both giving and receiving, but receiving enough to meet my needs is more important to me than giving to meet others' needs.

What does a person in the level 3 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

Only I can make myself feel happy or any other emotion because I know my feelings change depending on my interpretation.

I can't make anyone happy because their feelings change depending on their interpretation.

Level IV Mindset


Let's look at the tree's response from a level 4 mindset.

My apples are your apples. Take all you want.

The core thought at level 3 is concern, which might  show up like this:

You seem sad. What's wrong?

The core emotion is compassion, which might show up like this: 

It makes perfect sense that you're sad!.Your going through a very painful! experience!

The result of level 4 core thought and core emotion is service, which might show up like this:

How can I help you feel better? 

Do you see level 4 core characteristics in the tree's response? If so, where?

How does level 4 energy show up for you?

Q&A
How does a person in the  level 4 energy mindset see love?

Love means giving without receiving without regard to the cost to me.
I want to be loved but that is not as important to me as loving others.


What does a person in the level 4 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

Giving is better than receiving.
I like to receive, but giving is more important to me.


What does a person in the level 4 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

A person can only make themselves happy. No one can do it for them.

I make myself happy by helping people. I feel happy when people appreciate what I do for them, but I don't take it personally if they don't.
I mentioned at the beginning that Core Energy levels 3 and 4 are the first anabolic energy levels. Now I'm asking you to look a little deeper.

What aspect of the level 3 mindset is anabolic?

What comes to mind for me is the freedom that comes when I realize that I am in control of my feelings instead of other people or my circumstance. 

I'll give you an example from my life.

When I was working in my corporate job, I was miserable because I was burned out on the work and burned out on the corporate experience. I hated going to work. I felt powerless and angry. I felt trapped because I believed I could not be happy without the substantial reliable income the job provided,  and I felt angry about being trapped. 

When I decided to quit my job and pursue my dream of becoming a life coach, my perspective and my feelings about going to work changed completely. There was light at the end of the tunnel - a light I created for myself. My stress about going to work and doing the job reduced immediately and decreased steadily as I approached my last day on the job.

So what happened? Why did my feelings change? The job wasn't different. My financial situation wasn't different. 

My feelings changed because my perspective changed, and my perspective changed because I changed my interpretation of my circumstance.

I realized that I felt trapped because I wasn't open to other possibilities of employment or other possibilities of career and income.

I shifted from the Core Energy level 1 mindset of "I am a powerless victim of circumstance." to the level 3 mindset of "I can change my feelings by choosing a different perspective. I can make myself happy."

Working with my life coach helped me make this energy shift.

This is what coaches do - empower you to shift from catabolic energy mindsets to anabolic energy mindsets.

After you shift to level 3, the sky is the limit for accomplishment and transformation as you shift  into higher anabolic energy levels.

I leave these questions for you as food for thought:

What aspect of the level 4 mindset is anabolic?

What is an example of the level 4 energy mindset in your life?

Not there yet? That's OK. Think of a benefit of shifting from your current mindset to a higher energy level.

As always I would love to hear your thoughts!

Want to read Part Three? Click here.

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Sharing Tree Part I

4/2/2019

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​Sharing Tree

The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree

There's so much good stuff to talk about with this poem, I am breaking the inspiration into parts.

Part 1:

This poem is about the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with the book, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it online via this PDF.  which has the full text and illustrations.

For my readers who do not want to read the whole story, I have written the summary below of the parts of the story relevant to this inspiration:

A little boy loves an apple tree, which he climbs and plays in every day, and the tree loves the boy. As the boy ages, he loses interest in climbing the tree and often leaves the tree alone for long periods of time. The tree misses the boy terribly.

One day the boy comes to the tree to ask for money, and the tree offer's the boy her apples to sell so he can get money and be happy. The boy takes the apples without thanking the tree and goes away for a long time. The tree is sad again.

This boy comes to the tree between long intervals throughout his life. Each time he requests the tree to give him something else, and tree does so at her own expense.

In addition to giving the boy her apples, the tree gives him her branches and then her trunk, until all that is left of her is a stump, which she also gives to him, hence the nameThe Giving Tree. 

The Giving Tree is happy every time she sacrifices part of herself for the boy because she thinks the sacrifices make him happy, and that's all that matters to her.

At the end of the book, when the Giving Tree has given literally all of herself to make the boy happy, he is still not happy.

When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.
  1. Loving means giving without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  2. I can make someone happy by giving to them without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  3. I will be happy if I give without receiving regardless of the cost to me. 

What does loving mean to you?

What do you believe about giving and receiving?

What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?


I want to explore these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the catabolic Core Energy levels - one and two. 
​

​I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog. 
If you are new to the concept of Core Energy, you may find yourself overwhelmed by all the information. 

This is perfectly normal.

Don't give up! Just take your time reading the inspiration. Use the links I've included to explore earlier inspirations in which I introduce the concept of Core Energy in detail.

Stop when your brain feels full, and come back to it when you are rested.

Level One Mindset


I introduced the core energy concept, levels of energy, and the Energetic Self Perception Chart in the You Are What You Speak blog  where we explored Core Energy level 1.   

Let's look at the tree's response from a level 1 mindset.

I can't help you. I have nothing to offer. I am worthless.


The core thought at level 1 is victim, which might show up like this:

I am a powerless victim of circumstance.

The core emotion is apathy, which might show up like this:

I can't make the situation any better, so there's no point in trying.

The result of level 1 core thought and core emotion is lethargy, which might show up like this:

I just don't have the energy to do anything.


Where do you see level 1 characteristics in the tree's response?


How does level 1 energy show up for you?


 
 
Q&A
What does loving mean to
 a person in the level 1 energy mindset?

I cannot experience love because I am not lovable.
My  love is worthless because I have nothing of value to offer.


What does a person in the level 1 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

Receiving is everything. I cannot afford to give because my needs are too great.

What does a person in the level 1 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

I need someone else to make me happy. I can't make anyone  happy.

Level Two Mindset


​Let's look at the tree's response from a level 2 mindset.

You've got a lot of nerve asking me for help when you left me alone for so long without so much as a thank you for all I've done for you. I suppose you want to get money by selling my apples! Not a chance! Get a job, and don't even think of taking my apples! If you try, I will smack you with my branches! 

I introduced core energy level 2 in my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog.

The core thought at level 2 is conflict, which might show up like this:

I'm right and you're wrong.

The core emotion is anger, which might show up like this: 

People waste my time bringing me their problems when they should fix it themselves.

People try to take advantage of me.

Nobody appreciates what I do.


The result of level 2 core thought and core emotion is defiance, which might show up like this:

I'm not going to do it, and you can't make me!

Where do you see level 2 core characteristics in the tree's response?


How does level 2 energy show up for you?


Q&A
What does loving mean to a person in the level 2 energy mindset?

When someone tells me they love me I don't believe them. Saying "I love you" is just an manipulation - a way to get me to let my guard down so they can take advantage of me.

What does a person in the level 2 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

I deserve to receive more than I do because I do all the work.
I give to people who meet my expectations.


What does a person in the level 2 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

People make me happy when they meet my expectations and show appreciation for my effort.

I'm not interested in making other people happy.



I will leave you here for now to ponder what you've read today.

In Part 2, I will talk about the Sharing Tree from the perspective of the first two anabolic (constructive) Core Energy levels.

As always, I welcome your thoughts!

Want to read Part Two? Click here.

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All Our Deeds Are Potter's Clay

3/25/2019

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Picture
 Every Deed

Every deed both cruel and kind
Falls on fertile ground and
Finds a mate to spawn again
'Til kings of kings are crowned

Tempt this does to measure worth
Of praise or scarlet letter
Tally thorn and vine since birth
And sum the deeds together

But all our deeds are potter's clay -
At last if not at first
And none can take our worth away
​Or nullify our worst



I wrote "Every Deed" as comfort for someone dear to me who was agonizing over harm done because it could not be undone and because the initial harm led to further harm over time. 


Although I wrote the poem before I became a coach, many of the principles I learned in training compliment the messages in the poem, so I have interspersed them in purple text throughout the inspiration.

Let's look at the first stanza of the poem.

Every deed both cruel and kind
Falls on fertile ground and
Finds a mate to spawn again
'Til kings of kings are crowned


It is true that harm done to one person causes harm to others over time.

"Hurt people hurt," a friend of mine said, and I agree. Intentionally or unintentionally, knowingly or unknowingly, wounded people wound people.

A perfect example is the passing on of emotional wounds from parent to child from generation to generation.

If you are distressed about the proliferation of harm from something you did, take heart - it works the other way too.

Love also propagates! Kindness inspires kindness, takes root in the heart and proliferates through our six degrees of separation.

Consider the far reaching and long term impact of words of encouragement. How many people we think of as heroes attribute their courage to act to words of encouragement from a parent, a friend, a coach, a stranger? 

Everything we do is out there - cruelty, kindness, and everything in between.

Life is fertile ground and we all have "green fingers."
​The second stanza is about the natural tendency to judge ourselves and others.


Tempt this does to measure worth
Of praise or scarlet letter -


It is human nature to judge - to take the measure of worth.

Typically people think of judgment solely in terms of labels such as shameful or worthless.

If this is your perception, I invite you to broaden your idea of judgment to include any measure of worth, which includes assessments such as praiseworthy and impeccable.

And now a little diversion to explain the meaning of "scarlet letter."

The picture above is a painting by Hugues, Merle, which depicts Hester Prynne and her daughter, Pearl, characters in Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel "The Scarlet Letter."

I will give you the briefest of summaries here and encourage you to read more in this Wikipedia article. or better still, read the novel.

Hester Prynne, is a young woman who has given birth to a baby fathered by a man other than her husband. She is required to wear a scarlet "A" on her dress when she is in front of the townspeople to shame her. The letter "A" stands for adulteress. Her sentence required her to stand on the scaffold for three hours, exposed to public humiliation, and to wear the scarlet "A" for the rest of her life.

The scarlet letter in my poem is a reference to the judgment of shame symbolized by Hester's scarlet letter. However it is not specific to adultery or any other act, but is symbolic of judgment that a person is worthy of shame.

Consider these questions as food for thought on this subject:

Have you ever wondered if you are a good person?

Have you ever wondered if you've lived a good life?

If you haven't, take some time to do it now.

How did you approach this question?

Did you look for the answer by "adding up" the harm and good you've done, and compare the total of one to the other?

This is "adding up" what I describe in the second part of the stanza.

Tally thorn and vine since birth
And sum the deeds together


Maybe, instead you weighed each deed in your mind as to it's effect on your worth.

Is one deed so impactful that it nullifies the effects of all others?

Consider the words of the last stanza.

But all our deeds are potter's clay -
At last if not at first
And none can take our worth away
Or nullify our worst


We each have a higher coach. 

You may have another name such as higher power, God, spirit, universe, or something else.

The concept is the same - the all-knowing, unlimited source of our existence. 

For me, the source is God, so that is the name I will use.

I think of God as a potter and all our deeds as potter's clay.

A potter has unlimited creative ability with clay. The effects of even the most heinous deeds are malleable.

Harm can become healing. Healing can become growth. Growth can become inspiration.

Cruelty can become remorse. Remorse can become compassion. Compassion can become kindness.

Some transformations happen quickly, some take a years, and some take lifetime, which is what I mean by at last if not at first.

What do I mean by and none can take our worth away?

I mean that neither deeds or their effects can take our worth away.

In fact nothing we do raises or lowers our worth because worth is intrinsic to our being, not our doing.

Each one of us is a perfect, unique energy force.

We have infinite worth because we are created from the infinite worth of source.

Our level of true awareness is related to our lack of judging.

I want to clarify that I am speaking about judgment of a person's worth as opposed to judgment of their actions.

True awareness of our worth is related to conscious recognition that human worth is intrinsic and infinite.

To judge our worth is to restrict our perception of it to something that can be measured and changed.

It is impossible to hold both views.

Finally, what do I mean by or nullify our worst?

I am referring to the "adding up" of harm or good done and the belief that impact of one deed negates the impact of others. 

As I said in the beginning, it's all out there - everything we've done - irretrievable and indelible, but that's ok because

All our deeds are potter's clay -
At last if not at first


As always, I love to hear your thoughts!

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The One

3/17/2019

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I'm going to do a little something different in this inspiration. Normally, you would see a poem at the beginning and I would weave it into an inspirational message.

However this time, there are three poems I wish to share and much to say about them, so I will show you one at a time and discuss each in turn.

"The One" expresses a life-long longing stemming from my childhood.

"Deaf Until I Listen,"is also related to my childhood, although surprisingly I wrote it prior to my memories of incest surfacing.

"In," is a powerful poem of self-discovery.
Picture
The One

I see your face at the end of wait
The one day of someday 
The liquid of longing gone past
It is to me the fulfillment of dreams,
the soothing of wounds,
the rising of joy at last
All this would be so,
I know, I know
if your lot with mine
were cast
What or who comes to mind for you when you think of The One?

When I wrote this poem and for a long time after, "the one" was the perfect romantic partner with whom to share my life. This person would heal the wounds of my past by filling the gaping whole in my soul with love, affirmation, and affection. 

I was certain beyond any doubt that happiness, joy and fulfillment were to be found only in an intimate relationship with such a person. I was also certain that only one person in the world could be my life mate, hence my belief in The One.

In my coach training I learned that 

The answers to all questions lie within.

This principle means that when we look inward to ourselves, we find what we are looking for, whatever we are looking for - self-esteem, confidence, the solution to a problem, or the pathway to fulfill a dream to name a few.

This is not to say that relationship with others is not important, but the contribution of those relationships to our life depends entirely on the relationship with self. 

The first principle leads to two more:

Each one of us is a perfect unique energy force.

Each of us is greater and wiser than we appear to be.


We come here as complete perfect beings with a seed of self- knowing and self-loving at our center. 

That seed grows into consciousness when we look for it where it's always been - inside.
Deaf Until I Listen

I try to make her see it -
this wounded child of mine
Nothing is as it was
There's no reason for the pain
But she is deaf until I listen,
rigid until I yield
all-consuming until I surrender,
lame until I bridge the gap
and walk it back again.
This wounded child of mine refers to my inner child - the part of me that was carrying old pain I hadn't dealt with. She was all-consuming, calling constantly and loudly for my attention. I chose not to listen because I did not want to feel pain.  

I tried rationalizing that there was no reason for me to be in pain now because I was out of the situation that caused the pain. Nothing is as it was. There's no reason for the pain. This argument did not hold water with my inner child - she was deaf to me.

I still did not listen. I wanted to feel happy, so I dedicated my attention to finding The One.

I thought I had found The One 10 times. Each time, I tried to inspire love by handing over an emotional blank check, believing I would receive happiness in return.

Each relationship ended in devastation from being rejected. I believed that what I had to offer was not enough to inspire the love I longed for, so I did not deserve it.  

I am sure you will not be surprised to learn that I was often in the grips of a depression, which grew deeper with each failed attempt to find The One. 

I eventually came to the conclusion that The One does not exist.

This new belief opened my mind to looking elsewhere for happiness.

I began to pay attention to inner child, who had never stopped calling me inward. I finally yielded. I surrendered my abject determination to  avoid pain  I bridged the gap between us.  I listened to her story and felt her pain - my pain.

The pain was all-consuming as I feared it would be, but feeling it, holding space for it, showed me I could heal my hurt myself. ​
In
 
I never thought to live in my house,
To renovate the rooms
I only sought to get out -
To live in something new
 
 
Ten times I left, Ten times I built
That house again the same
From breakfast nook to ceiling fan
From brick to window pane
 
 
In my rage I tore it down -
Stripped in to the frame
And in the end found myself out
Through a door that opened in
My house in this poem represents me. Renovate the rooms means to work on myself.

Wanting to live in something new represents my desire to leave the self I don't like behind, and find the person I want to be in an outside experience. 

The ten times I left that house and built it again the same are the ten unsuccessful attempts to find happiness in a relationship with The One.

I had a custom house built in my twenties. Shortly after moving in I realized that I had designed the house to be exactly like my childhood home - from breakfast nook to ceiling fan, from brick to window pane.

In my rage, I tore it down, stripped it to the frame. Rage at being unable to find what I wanted through The One, led me to abandon the belief that The oneexisted. I let go of the idea that I needed someone else to heal my wounds.

And in the end found myself out through a door that opened in represents the result of working on my relationship with myself by looking inward.
Picture
I found out that  I am the source of my happiness, I have the ability to heal my wounds and fulfill my dreams.

I am The One.   

You are The One in your life too.

Having trouble believing this? 

If you are willing to do the hard work of healing, I can help you through coaching. 

Reach out to me!

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I Carry It Like Luggage

2/23/2019

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Picture
Fear

I carry it like luggage
It is heavy and a burden,
but I need it I think
lest I cast my lot completely -
​in favor of joy

Fear has been a major theme of my life - so much so, that I believe it is one of my core life lessons.

You may have noticed this theme in many of the poems I've shared in these inspirations:

In my What to Do When Everything Is Riding On Your Decision blog, I share my poem "Outcome," in which I acknowledge my belief that the infinite possibilities of the unknown are something to fear.

Outcome

Why is it so, the less that I know
the more certain I am of it's content?
Fearful thinking fills the void
because the unknown is infinite


In my Survivor Tilt blog, I share my poem "Survivor Tilt," in which I acknowledge the origin of this belief as coming from my childhood trauma.

Survivor Tilt

When I feel now as I did then, I say to myself
It is, as I knew it would, happening again


In my Embracing Truth blog, I share my poem, "Truth," in which I reveal my insight that my fear of knowing the unknown traps me in a state of fear.

Truth

Truth is price and purchase,
burden and relief, and
passage from endless fear
to finite joy and grief.


In my Letting Go blog, I share my poem "Letting Go," in which I reveal my insight that the belief I should avoid what I fear may be denying myself a benefit rather than protecting me.

Letting Go

To cling to what I treasure and shun what I fear is not in itself the vice
That lies within the blind I wear and the will to pay its price -
To never know the value in the consequence I fear
or the detriment to life itself of that which I hold dear


Let's look at this week's poem "Fear."

I carry it like luggage

This is a metaphor for carrying the weight of fear my journey through life. 

It is heavy and a burden

Carrying fear like luggage through life's journey is living in catabolic energy - useful for a short time in stressful situations, but destructive physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually when maintained.   

but I need it I think

Where did this thought that I need fear come from? It came from the belief that the world is a dangerous place and that outcomes are likely to harm me. I believed fear was necessary to protect me from life. I believed experiences of joy would be few, far between, and need no preparation.

lest I cast my lot completely -
in favor of joy


In the last lines I am poking fun at myself for getting in my own way of experiencing joy because I carry the expectation of hardship everywhere I go.

In my coaching training, I learned that we are each of us a product of our belief system.

If we believe the world is a dangerous place, if we believe outcomes are likely to harm us, we embrace fear as a life partner.

When we embrace fear as a life partner, we shut out joy because joy does need preparation, and that preparation is expectation.

Expecting joy is living in anabolic energy, and energy attracts like energy. 

What role does fear play in your life?

How do you see life and the world you live in?

What are your thoughts on what I've said here?

As always, I would love to hear from you!

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Life is a Gift

2/17/2019

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Time served two the gem of joy - 
Each on mirrored plate
One did hurry to capture the prize
The other thought to wait

Death saw naught but refracted light
and at its plate did hiss
Life instead cast aside the rock
​and gazed into the face of bliss

Picture two figures sitting at a restaurant table. Their server, Time, presents each figure with a gem of joy placed on a mirrored plate. The first figure leaps to grab the gem, while the second figure contemplates what to do.

Time served two the gem of joy -
Each on mirrored plate
One did hurry to capture the prize
The other thought to wait


In order to explain the next part of the poem, I'm going to give you a short physics lesson. Take a look at the spoon in the teacup below. See how the image of the spoon is distorted? The spoon appears to be in two pieces.
Picture
When light passes from one medium to another it refracts, which means it bends. The light producing the image of the spoon refracted when it passed from air into the tea, from the tea into the glass, and again when passing from glass into air. The result is the distorted.image.


Back to the poem.

Death saw naught but refracted light
and at its plate did hiss


The first figure, Death, grabs the gem to possess joy, but is disillusioned by the distorted image of joy produced by light refracting through the gem.

The second figure, Life, sees that the gem is just an illusion of joy, tosses it away.and looks at it's own reflection in the mirrored plate.

Life instead cast aside the rock
and gazed into the face of bliss
.

What does Life see? Bliss.

Why?

I'll tell you a story about me. There was a time in my life that I was in so much emotional pain and had been for so long that I wanted a divorce from my life.I could not remember a time when I was not in pain, and I could not imagine life without it.

Emily Dickinson captures this experience exquisitely in this poem:

Pain has an Element of Blank -
It cannot recollect
When it begun - or if there were
A time when it was not -

It has no future - but itself -
Its Infinite contain
Its Past -enlightened to perceive
New Periods of Pain


Ending my life looked good to me. I believed death would end the pain and replace it with the joy of being in heaven.

Why didn't I kill myself? I don't know, but I'm glad I didn't.

I did the hard work of healing, which enabled me to understand that even the worst pain has purpose and ultimately leads to joy. 

Kahlil Gibran is his book "The Prophet" says this of pain:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
What's the message here?

Life, taken as a whole, is a gift of bliss no matter what circumstance it puts me in. 

I will not tell you that there are no circumstances I fear to experience. I can easily imagine circumstances that would reduce what I perceive to be quality of life to a point where I could see neither purpose nor joy.

My hope is that I would get out my electron microscope if need be to find the purpose and joy that my poem promises is there.

What about you?

Have you ever been in so much emotional pain that you wanted to die?

Could you not imagine an end to the pain or a future that could possibly be worth feeling it?

How did you get through it?

What did you learn about yourself, about life?

Write to me. I'd love to hear your story.

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    Author

    Joyce Collins is a life coach who specializes in helping women who were sexually abused as a child to transform themselves into confident women who love themselves and lead fulfilling lives.

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