​Everyone knows that you must buy at least one ticket to win the lottery, but I have heard many people who never buy tickets tell me what they would do if they won.

Personally, I don't buy lottery tickets because I don't see them as a good investment. I would rather purchase a certainty in the now than a chance in the future. However, there is value in the concept of taking action to bring your dreams into reality.

For some, buying a ticket means investing money, for others investing time and effort. Sometimes buying a ticket is as simple as accepting an unexpected opportunity. The most challenging (and rewarding) means is to  summon up the courage to disregard the message in your head that says what you want is just not gonna happen.

I'll give you examples from recent events in my life.

I sought friends
Outside my family, I have one friend with whom I spend time regularly. As much as I enjoy her company, I have wanted more friends in my life for some time.

When I was working in the corporate world, I developed friendships with coworkers that I wanted to grow beyond the limits of the work day. When I suggested this to my friends, they were too busy to fit time into their schedule, or they expressed interest in the idea, but would not commit to setting a time and place,

I have a similar situation at my gym, where I have a wonderful community of friends. Our time together is limited to coincidences of being at the gym at the same time. I asked if they would be interested in getting together outside the gym, but I had no takers.

I was frustrated because I didn't know what else to try. 

Recently, I went to a party where I did not know any other guests.  When I asked if I could join a group of guests who were talking animatedly with each other, one of them said yes. I did not see a natural opportunity to join the conversation, so I sat quietly.

When a husband and wife couple started  collecting their cups and plates, the usual signs  of getting ready to leave, I felt disappointed that I had not met them.  I felt I was missing an opportunity to possibly meet new friends. They had not spoken to me, and  I was hesitant to speak to them because I was thinking something that I often think in similar situations, which is that people who have not talked to me do not want to talk to me.

However, I decided to  take a chance by introducing myself. I am so glad I did because we had an enjoyable conversation in which we discovered that we had much in common. By the end of the day, I was friends with them on Facebook and invited the wife to get together for lunch. We are having lunch together next weekend!

I then introduced myself to other guest at the table who turned out to be relatives of the host of the party. I had a great conversation with them too.

This experience built my confidence, so I introduce myself to other guests, to see what other doors of opportunity would open.

I met a woman who turned out to be a docent at two local museums. When I told her a friend and I were planning to go to one of these museums this week, she offered to show us around. I took her up on this offer, and the three of us had a wonderful time!  We made plans to meet again at the other museum where my friend is a docent.

I bought my ticket, I took a chance, and I won!

I sought friends,
Friends surround me

The investment I made was three fold:

• Effort to go to the party
• Effort to ask to join a group of guests
• Courage to ignore the discouraging thought that the people I wanted to meet didn't want to meet me

I sought relationship
As I said earlier, I had reached out to friends at the gym to extend our friendship beyond the gym with no success. Although there were gym community events like happy hour at a bar or a tattoo party, but I didn't feel comfortable in these atmospheres, so I didn't go.

I had given up on this endeavor, when I happened to ask one of my gym friends if he had eaten at any of the organic restaurants in town. I had found some online and wondered if he had an opinion on them.
He said he didn't know there were any, so I told him the name of one.

I got a wonderful surprise! He said he loved that place, and asked if I'd like to go there with him. I accepted, of course!

I had lunch with him and his wife, another wonderful gym friend, at the restaurant. We had a great time and are going to other restaurants in the future. I am excited to develop these friendships into relationships beyond the physical space of the gym.

I sought relationship
Relationship found me

I bought my ticket, which was simply to accept the unexpected invitation.

I sought love
Something else I wanted more of in my life is opportunities to love and be loved. As you may know, I have homeless friends to whom I give money. I wanted to reach them in more ways, so I started bringing them food and hygiene supplies. I sat with them and listened to their stories and their struggles. I made new friends and strengthened existing friendships.

I learned that one of my friends was in jail for three months. I wanted to send him something meaningful other than money, so I sent my poem "Touched," in which I mention him by name. You can read this poem in my blog,  Choose Who You Want To Be .

This was of course the opportunity to love more that I was seeking, but I also received love that I was not expecting.

On separate occasions, I ran into two homeless friends I had not seen in months. I was very happy to see them and told them so. They said they were happy to see me too, and much to my surprise, said they had been worried about me because they hadn't seen me for so long.

They were worried about me!

They, who live day-to-day, hand-to-mouth, were worried about me!

I want to reiterate that I ran into these homeless friends, who do not know each other, on separate occasions and separate locations.

I am honored by and cherish this unexpected love.

I bought my ticket - I loved.

I sought love,
Love becomes me

What dreams you have for your life?

What are you willing to invest to bring them into reality?

Buy your ticket!

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!

​Sharing Tree

The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree

Welcome to Part 2 of the Sharing Tree Inspiration!

If you have not read Part 1 or would like to refresh your memory, click here.

This poem is about the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with the book, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it online via this PDF.  which has the full text and illustrations.

For my readers who do not want to read the whole story, I have written the summary below of the parts of the story relevant to this inspiration:

A little boy loves an apple tree, which he climbs and plays in every day, and the tree loves the boy. As the boy ages, he loses interest in climbing the tree and often leaves the tree alone for long periods of time. The tree misses the boy terribly.

One day the boy comes to the tree to ask for money, and the tree offer's the boy her apples to sell so he can get money and be happy. The boy takes the apples without thanking the tree and goes away for a long time. The tree is sad again.

This boy comes to the tree between long intervals throughout his life. Each time he requests the tree to give him something else, and tree does so at her own expense.

In addition to giving the boy her apples, the tree gives him her branches and then her trunk, until all that is left of her is a stump, which she also gives to him, hence the nameThe Giving Tree. 

The Giving Tree is happy every time she sacrifices part of herself for the boy because she thinks the sacrifices make him happy, and that's all that matters to her.

At the end of the book, when the Giving Tree has given literally all of herself to make the boy happy, he is still not happy.
​

When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.

1. Loving means giving without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
2. I can make someone happy by giving to them without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
3. I will be happy if I give without receiving regardless of the cost to me. 

What does loving mean to you?

What do you believe about giving and receiving?

What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?


In Part 1, I explored these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first catabolic (destructive) Core Energy levels, level 1 and level 2.

For Part 2, I will explore the same questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first two anabolic (constructive) Core Energy levels - level 3 and level 4. 

​​I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog. 

​Sharing Tree

The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree

When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.

1. Loving means giving without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
2. I can make someone happy by giving to them without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
3. I will be happy if I give without receiving regardless of the cost to me. 

What does loving mean to you?

What do you believe about giving and receiving?

What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?


I want to explore these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the catabolic Core Energy levels - one and two. ​

​I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog. 

I introduced the core energy concept, levels of energy, and the Energetic Self Perception Chart in the You Are What You Speak blog  where we explored Core Energy level 1.   

Let's look at the tree's response from a level 1 mindset.

I can't help you. I have nothing to offer. I am worthless.


The core thought at level 1 is victim, which might show up like this:

I am a powerless victim of circumstance.

The core emotion is apathy, which might show up like this:

I can't make the situation any better, so there's no point in trying.

The result of level 1 core thought and core emotion is lethargy, which might show up like this:

I just don't have the energy to do anything.


Where do you see level 1 characteristics in the tree's response?


How does level 1 energy show up for you?

 
 
Q&A
What does loving mean to a person in the level 1 energy mindset?

I cannot experience love because I am not lovable.
My  love is worthless because I have nothing of value to offer.

What does a person in the level 1 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

Receiving is everything. I cannot afford to give because my needs are too great.

What does a person in the level 1 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

I need someone else to make me happy. I can't make anyone  happy.

​Let's look at the tree's response from a level 2 mindset.

You've got a lot of nerve asking me for help when you left me alone for so long without so much as a thank you for all I've done for you. I suppose you want to get money by selling my apples! Not a chance! Get a job, and don't even think of taking my apples! If you try, I will smack you with my branches! 
I introduced core energy level 2 in my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog.

The core thought at level 2 is conflict, which might show up like this:

I'm right and you're wrong.

The core emotion is anger, which might show up like this: 

People waste my time bringing me their problems when they should fix it themselves.

People try to take advantage of me.

Nobody appreciates what I do.

The result of level 2 core thought and core emotion is defiance, which might show up like this:

I'm not going to do it, and you can't make me!

Where do you see level 2 core characteristics in the tree's response?


How does level 2 energy show up for you?


Q&A
What does loving mean to a person in the level 2 energy mindset?

When someone tells me they love me I don't believe them. Saying "I love you" is just an manipulation - a way to get me to let my guard down so they can take advantage of me.

What does a person in the level 2 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

I deserve to receive more than I do because I do all the work.
I give to people who meet my expectations.

What does a person in the level 2 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

People make me happy when they meet my expectations and show appreciation for my effort.

I'm not interested in making other people happy.

 Every Deed

Every deed both cruel and kind
Falls on fertile ground and
Finds a mate to spawn again
'Til kings of kings are crowned

Tempt this does to measure worth
Of praise or scarlet letter
Tally thorn and vine since birth
And sum the deeds together

But all our deeds are potter's clay -
At last if not at first
And none can take our worth away
​Or nullify our worst

This wounded child of mine refers to my inner child - the part of me that was carrying old pain I hadn't dealt with. She was all-consuming, calling constantly and loudly for my attention. I chose not to listen because I did not want to feel pain.  

I tried rationalizing that there was no reason for me to be in pain now because I was out of the situation that caused the pain. Nothing is as it was. There's no reason for the pain. This argument did not hold water with my inner child - she was deaf to me.

I still did not listen. I wanted to feel happy, so I dedicated my attention to finding The One.

I thought I had found The One 10 times. Each time, I tried to inspire love by handing over an emotional blank check, believing I would receive happiness in return.

Each relationship ended in devastation from being rejected. I believed that what I had to offer was not enough to inspire the love I longed for, so I did not deserve it.  

I am sure you will not be surprised to learn that I was often in the grips of a depression, which grew deeper with each failed attempt to find The One. 

I eventually came to the conclusion that The One does not exist.

This new belief opened my mind to looking elsewhere for happiness.

I began to pay attention to inner child, who had never stopped calling me inward. I finally yielded. I surrendered my abject determination to  avoid pain  I bridged the gap between us.  I listened to her story and felt her pain - my pain.

The pain was all-consuming as I feared it would be, but feeling it, holding space for it, showed me I could heal my hurt myself. ​

In
 
I never thought to live in my house,
To renovate the rooms
I only sought to get out -
To live in something new
 
 
Ten times I left, Ten times I built
That house again the same
From breakfast nook to ceiling fan
From brick to window pane
 
 
In my rage I tore it down -
Stripped in to the frame
And in the end found myself out
Through a door that opened in

Time served two the gem of joy - 
Each on mirrored plate
One did hurry to capture the prize
The other thought to wait

Death saw naught but refracted light
and at its plate did hiss
Life instead cast aside the rock
​and gazed into the face of bliss

When light passes from one medium to another it refracts, which means it bends. The light producing the image of the spoon refracted when it passed from air into the tea, from the tea into the glass, and again when passing from glass into air. The result is the distorted.image.


Back to the poem.

Death saw naught but refracted light
and at its plate did hiss

The first figure, Death, grabs the gem to possess joy, but is disillusioned by the distorted image of joy produced by light refracting through the gem.

The second figure, Life, sees that the gem is just an illusion of joy, tosses it away.and looks at it's own reflection in the mirrored plate.

Life instead cast aside the rock
and gazed into the face of bliss.

What does Life see? Bliss.

Why?

I'll tell you a story about me. There was a time in my life that I was in so much emotional pain and had been for so long that I wanted a divorce from my life.I could not remember a time when I was not in pain, and I could not imagine life without it.

Emily Dickinson captures this experience exquisitely in this poem:

Pain has an Element of Blank -
It cannot recollect
When it begun - or if there were
A time when it was not -

It has no future - but itself -
Its Infinite contain
Its Past -enlightened to perceive
New Periods of Pain

Ending my life looked good to me. I believed death would end the pain and replace it with the joy of being in heaven.

Why didn't I kill myself? I don't know, but I'm glad I didn't.

I did the hard work of healing, which enabled me to understand that even the worst pain has purpose and ultimately leads to joy. 

Kahlil Gibran is his book "The Prophet" says this of pain:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
What's the message here?

Life, taken as a whole, is a gift of bliss no matter what circumstance it puts me in. 

I will not tell you that there are no circumstances I fear to experience. I can easily imagine circumstances that would reduce what I perceive to be quality of life to a point where I could see neither purpose nor joy.

My hope is that I would get out my electron microscope if need be to find the purpose and joy that my poem promises is there.

What about you?

Have you ever been in so much emotional pain that you wanted to die?

Could you not imagine an end to the pain or a future that could possibly be worth feeling it?

How did you get through it?

What did you learn about yourself, about life?

Write to me. I'd love to hear your story.