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Journey To Self-Esteem Part Three -         The Things People Say

5/19/2019

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Picture
We walk the fence of self-esteem
our faces toward the sun, but never leaping there
It's all we can do to keep our feet on the beam -
avoid the shadow's lair
Welcome to part 3 of Journey to Self -Esteem - The Things People Say.

If you have not read part 1 or part 2 or would like a refresher, click the links below:
Part 1 - Mirror , Mirror on the Wall

Part 2 - Self-Discrimination

I have repeated the explanation of the poem.

If you would like to jump right to the new stuff in part 3, click here.

In each part of this inspiration, I will address one of the many aspects that affect self-esteem.

First I'll explain the untitled poem.

Have you heard the saying, "I'm on the fence about this?"

Being on the fence refers to choosing not to take a side or stance on an issue or opinion. Getting off the fence would require literally standing on the ground on one side of the fence.  Figuratively speaking it means to take a stand by expressing an opinion of support for one of two opposite beliefs.

Let's take a look at the first line of the poem.

We walk the fence of self-esteem

To walk the fence of self-esteem is to be non-committal about our self-worth.
If we're on the fence, we don't feel bad about ourselves but we don't feel good about ourselves either.

Let's take a look at the second line of the poem.

Our faces toward the sun, but never leaping there

Have you heard the admonition "Look where you're going!" from someone you've bumped into accidentally because you were looking somewhere other than the direction you were moving. 

Likewise, it necessary to look where we want to go in order to set off on the journey to get there.

In the poem, "pointing our faces toward the sun" means setting our intention to take the journey toward high self-esteem. To leap there is an expression of enthusiasm and commitment to the journey. Never to leap there, to continue to walk the fence, is to enslave  ourselves to the world of "yes, but...

Let's take a look at the next line of the poem.

It's all we can do to keep our feet on the beam

A therapist once told me that people usually seek therapy because they are in pain. On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is the most pain imaginable and 10 is happy, many people stay in therapy until they reach a 5 and then quit because they're feeling better. They see the goal of reaching a 10 as either impossible or unnecessary.

"The beam" is the top rail of the fence of self-esteem, and to keep our feet on the beam is to settle for a 5 out of 10.

Let's look at the last line of the poem.

Avoid the shadow's lair.

The shadow's lair is that dark place where painful feelings reside unexamined by the light. I am speaking of feelings such as worthlessness, shame, guilt, incompetence, or insignificance.
Please add any I haven't listed that come from your experience. 

If your self-esteem is in the 1 to 4 range, you are in the shadow's lair.


Whether you are in the shadow's lair, on the fence with your face toward the sun, or leaping there, I can help you on your journey.

Read on!



Have you ever been angry and wouldn't let it go even when the issue seemed to be resolved?

Did you ever ask yourself what was behind your anger?
I don't mean the specific circumstance that sparked your anger.
I'm referring to the belief about yourself at the root of it.

Well I have, quite recently, and what I discovered is the topic of Journey to Self-Esteem Part 3 - The Things People Say 

I had been working with a doctor for months to treat insomnia After trying one sleep aid after another to no avail, my doctor enrolled me in a two-week sleep study.

I did not sleep at all the first night and I slept only two hours the following morning. The second night I once again did not sleep a wink followed by three hours sleep the next morning. The third night and morning were the same.

You can imagine the state of my mental and physical health at this point. I was too tired to drive safely, I couldn't focus my eyes well enough to read, and my abilities to reason and focus my attention were severely curtailed. These effects of sleep deprivation are the reason it has taken me two weeks to write this inspiration.

In desperation, I asked my doctor to prescribe a sedative that had previously enabled me to sleep. He refused - said that a pill was not the solution. 

" Two or three hours a night is ok," he said. "You're fine."

I passed a fourth sleepless night. By morning, I was livid.

I told my doctor I wanted a different doctor and that I was going to engage a patient advocate to express my dissatisfaction with the treatment I received from him.

In a short time I found a new doctor, so the there was really no point in engaging a patient advocate to get better medical treatment from my old doctor, but I wasn't satisfied.

I was angry, and I wanted to stay angry. I wanted my old doctor  to be reprimanded. I wanted another doctor to state for the record my old doctor was actually harming me by refusing to prescribe a sedative. 

Now, I am rarely angry, and even more rarely cling to anger when the object of my anger is no longer in my life.

My natural curiosity led me to wonder why I was holding on to the anger toward my old doctor. It wasn't to get different medical care - there was something more behind it. 

One of the great benefits of coaching is that you can learn to coach yourself. Thanks to the great coaching I received from my life coach, I was able to do just that.

I recognized that my anger was fueled by level 2 energy.

My core thought was conflict, my core emotion was anger, and the result was defiance.

I was in a win/lose, right/wrong mindset.
If he doesn't give me a sedative, he wins, and I lose.
If he isn't reprimanded for refusing to prescribe a sedative, he's right, and I'm wrong.

I must win and I must be right!

If you would like to read more about level 2 energy, click the links below to my blogs on this subject:

I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now
Sharing Tree Part 1

I asked myself questions I would ask a client:

What does being right mean to me?
Answer: Being right means my point of view is valid

What does being wrong mean to me?
Answer: Being wrong means that my point of view is invalid.

What does winning mean to me?
Answer: Winning means getting my needs met because they are valid (right). For example, I would win if my old doctor prescribed the sedative because I convinced him that my need for 8 hours sleep per night is valid.
I would also win If another doctor supported my claim that I need 8 hours per night and should be given a sedative to ensure this need was met.

What does losing mean to me?
Answer: Losing means not getting my needs met because they are invalid (wrong). For example, when my doctor said that I was fine and that 3 hours of sleep per night was ok, this meant that my need for 8 hours sleep per night was invalid (wrong).
Likewise, if another doctor agreed with my old doctor, I would lose. 

If I were speaking with a client, I would say, "Talk more about that."

Sleep deprivation has been a trigger for me my whole life
  • My father attacked me almost always at night, which added the trauma of sleep deprivation to the trauma of the abuse.
  • In the military, getting enough sleep was secondary to completing the mission.
  • In graduate school, getting enough sleep was secondary to studying and completing assignments on time.
  • In the teaching world, getting enough sleep was secondary to teaching classes on time.
  • In the corporate world, getting enough sleep was secondary to meeting deadlines and putting in a minimum number of work hours.

When I left the corporate world, the first thing I did was turn off the alarms on my clock radio. I slept until I was rested everyday. I was thrilled to be able to put sleep first without risking that another important need would not be met as a consequence.

Now I feel I have to fight to meet my need for sleep.  All the solutions available to me no longer work, and the solution that has worked, the sedative, is not available to me.
This situation took me back to all the times when I had to sacrifice sleep to fulfill a duty or meet another's expectation.

I once again heard the message that my needs are invalid - not worthy of attention.

I couldn't tell you where I was on the self-esteem scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is "I am worthless," and 10 is "I am awesome," because I was waiting for someone else to tell me what to think.

When my old doctor denied my claim that I need 8 hours of sleep per night, I was at about a 2 on the self-esteem scale. When I thought about a new doctor supporting my point of view, I was at a 9.
When I thought of my old doctor being reprimanded for poor treatment of me, I was at a 10.

"Hmm...," I thought. "Things people say strongly impact my self-esteem - especially things people in positions of authority say, and especially about aspects of myself I have been insecure about all my life."

It's time for me to decide what to think of myself independent of what others say. I don't need to defer to others' opinions to decide what to think of myself, and I don't need others' opinions to support my self-esteem.

I like support and affirmation. Who doesn't?
But, I know who I am and what I'm worth because I'm the expert on me.

Let me get on that scale again - 10! 

As always, I love to hear your thoughts!

Want to continue the journey? Read Part 4 - Silencing the Gremlin

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Sign up for my email!

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Sharing Tree Part III

4/14/2019

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Sharing Tree

The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree

Welcome to the third and final part of the Sharing Tree Inspiration!

If you have not read Part 1 or Part 2 or would like to refresh your memory, click the respective links.

If you would like to jump right to the new stuff in Part 3, click here. 

This poem is about the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with the book, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it online via this PDF.  which has the full text and illustrations.

For my readers who do not want to read the whole story, I have written the summary below of the parts of the story relevant to this inspiration:

A little boy loves an apple tree, which he climbs and plays in every day, and the tree loves the boy. As the boy ages, he loses interest in climbing the tree and often leaves the tree alone for long periods of time. The tree misses the boy terribly.

One day the boy comes to the tree to ask for money, and the tree offer's the boy her apples to sell so he can get money and be happy. The boy takes the apples without thanking the tree and goes away for a long time. The tree is sad again.

This boy comes to the tree between long intervals throughout his life. Each time he requests the tree to give him something else, and tree does so at her own expense.

In addition to giving the boy her apples, the tree gives him her branches and then her trunk, until all that is left of her is a stump, which she also gives to him, hence the nameThe Giving Tree. 

The Giving Tree is happy every time she sacrifices part of herself for the boy because she thinks the sacrifices make him happy, and that's all that matters to her.

At the end of the book, when the Giving Tree has given literally all of herself to make the boy happy, he is still not happy.
When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.
  1. Loving means giving without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  2. I can make someone happy by giving to them without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  3. I will be happy if I give without receiving regardless of the cost to me. 

What does loving mean to you?

What do you believe about giving and receiving?

What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?


In Part 1, I explored these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first catabolic (destructive) Core Energy levels, level 1 and level 2.

In Part 2, I explored the same questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first two anabolic (constructive) Core Energy levels - level 3 and level 4. 


I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog. 
​
If you are new to the concept of Core Energy, you may find yourself overwhelmed by all the information.

This is perfectly normal.

Don't give up! Just take your time reading the inspiration. Use the links I've included to explore earlier inspirations in which I introduce the concept of Core Energy in detail.

Stop when your brain feels full, and come back to it when you are rested.

Level Five Mindset


​In part 3 I explore the same questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the mindset of the third anabolic Core Energy level - level 5.
I have an idea that will benefit both of us. I need half of my apples to reproduce the number trees I want. I would give you the other half my apples to sell. In exchange for my apples you would feed me enough tree food to grow more apples than I gave you.

The core thought at level 5 is reconciliation, which might  show up like this:

 There's nothing wrong with your perspective or mine. They are just different.

The core emotion is peace, which might show up like this: 

 I'm at peace with myself and my life.

The result of level 5 core thought and core emotion is acceptance, which might show up like this:

 It's ok that we want different things. This doesn't have to be a win/lose situation. Let's come up with a win/win option where we both get what we want.

Where do you see level 5 core characteristics in the tree's response?

How does level 5 energy show up for you?

Q&A
How does a person in the level 5 energy mindset see love?

Love means accepting a person as they are without judgment, and without trying to change them.

What does a person in the level 5 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

Both giving and receiving are important.
I am interested only in relationships with an equal exchange of giving and receiving. 

What does a person in the level 5 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

Happiness comes from within.

Now that you're familiar with energy levels 1 through 5, think about the relationship between the boy and the Giving Tree.

What is the Giving Tree's energy level in the poem?


If you said level 4, you are right!

The tree is concerned that the boy isn't happy, has  compassion for  his suffering, and serves him by giving of herself to her own detriment.

How would things be different it if were a sharing tree?

There would be both give and take in the relationship. It would be a win/win relationship.

There are two higher levels of core energy, but I will tell you about them in another inspiration. Five levels are enough for now.



What insights into yourself have you gained from the Sharing Tree inspiration?


How might these insights improve you relationships, both with yourself and others?
 
If you would like to know more about Core Energy and find out how your energy is distributed let me know. I offer an assessment that does that.and more.

 
I've shown you how someone in the mindset of each energy level would think and behave, but this is a simplification of something quite complex. 

Your Core Energy is almost always distributed across multiple energy levels in percentages. When I was in coach training I took an assessment that measured my Core Energy distribution under normal everyday experiences and also when I am under unusual stress.

The chart below shows my Core Energy distribution under normal circumstances at the time I took the assessment. 

Picture
I had taken the assessment eight months earlier when I was just beginning to work with a life coach. At that time over 20% of my energy was in the catabolic energy levels 1 and 2.

You can see the results of working with my life coach. Only 9% of my energy is in the catabolic levels.

What happened to that catabolic energy? I shifted it into anabolic energy!  How did I do that? I worked with my coach to raise my consciousness of who I am.

I can help you do the same if you are willing to do the rewarding work of personal growth.

Through my coach training I have become a certified Master Practitioner of this assessment, which is called the Energy Leadership Index (ELI)

If you are interested in taking the ELI assessment, e
mail me I will make it happen!

Want to receive weekly inspirations like this in your inbox?
Sign up for my email!

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Sharing Tree Part Two

4/7/2019

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​Sharing Tree

The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree

Welcome to Part 2 of the Sharing Tree Inspiration!

If you have not read Part 1 or would like to refresh your memory, click here.

This poem is about the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with the book, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it online via this PDF.  which has the full text and illustrations.

For my readers who do not want to read the whole story, I have written the summary below of the parts of the story relevant to this inspiration:

A little boy loves an apple tree, which he climbs and plays in every day, and the tree loves the boy. As the boy ages, he loses interest in climbing the tree and often leaves the tree alone for long periods of time. The tree misses the boy terribly.

One day the boy comes to the tree to ask for money, and the tree offer's the boy her apples to sell so he can get money and be happy. The boy takes the apples without thanking the tree and goes away for a long time. The tree is sad again.

This boy comes to the tree between long intervals throughout his life. Each time he requests the tree to give him something else, and tree does so at her own expense.

In addition to giving the boy her apples, the tree gives him her branches and then her trunk, until all that is left of her is a stump, which she also gives to him, hence the nameThe Giving Tree. 

The Giving Tree is happy every time she sacrifices part of herself for the boy because she thinks the sacrifices make him happy, and that's all that matters to her.

At the end of the book, when the Giving Tree has given literally all of herself to make the boy happy, he is still not happy.
​

When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.
  1. Loving means giving without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  2. I can make someone happy by giving to them without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  3. I will be happy if I give without receiving regardless of the cost to me. 

What does loving mean to you?

What do you believe about giving and receiving?

What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?


In Part 1, I explored these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first catabolic (destructive) Core Energy levels, level 1 and level 2.


For Part 2, I will explore the same questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the first two anabolic (constructive) Core Energy levels - level 3 and level 4. 

​​I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog. 

If you are new to the concept of Core Energy, you may find yourself overwhelmed by all the information.

This is perfectly normal

Don't give up! Just take your time reading the inspiration. Use the links I've included to explore earlier inspirations in which I introduce the concept of Core Energy in detail.

Stop when your brain feels full, and come back to it when you are rested.

Level III Mindset


Let's look at the tree's response from a level 3 mindset .

I was angry with you for abandoning me, but I forgive you. I understand that you need to make your way in the world. I could give you my apples to sell, but I need them to reproduce.  I'll make a deal with you. When my apple seeds produce enough trees to meet my needs, l'll give you the left over apples.

I introduced core energy level 3 in my Journey from Judging to Embracing Part 1 blog.

The core thought at level 3 is responsibility, which might  show up like this:

I realize my frustration and anger are coming from my perspective. If I look at the situation differently, I will feel better.

The core emotion is forgiveness, which might show up like this: 

People aren't intentionally wasting my time by bringing me their problems. They just aren't capable of solving the problems on there own. I forgive them for being incompetent.

The result of level 3 core thought and core emotion is cooperation, which might show up like this:

I don't particularly like the people I work with, but I make my best effort to get along so we can do the job right.

Do you see level 3 core characteristics in the tree's response? If so, where?

How does level 3 energy show up for you?

Q&A
What does loving mean to a person in the level 3 energy mindset?
Loving myself, meeting my needs, comes first. 
I want other people to feel loved too, but not at my expense.
 
What does a person in the level 3 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

I see value in both giving and receiving, but receiving enough to meet my needs is more important to me than giving to meet others' needs.

What does a person in the level 3 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

Only I can make myself feel happy or any other emotion because I know my feelings change depending on my interpretation.

I can't make anyone happy because their feelings change depending on their interpretation.

Level IV Mindset


Let's look at the tree's response from a level 4 mindset.

My apples are your apples. Take all you want.

The core thought at level 3 is concern, which might  show up like this:

You seem sad. What's wrong?

The core emotion is compassion, which might show up like this: 

It makes perfect sense that you're sad!.Your going through a very painful! experience!

The result of level 4 core thought and core emotion is service, which might show up like this:

How can I help you feel better? 

Do you see level 4 core characteristics in the tree's response? If so, where?

How does level 4 energy show up for you?

Q&A
How does a person in the  level 4 energy mindset see love?

Love means giving without receiving without regard to the cost to me.
I want to be loved but that is not as important to me as loving others.


What does a person in the level 4 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

Giving is better than receiving.
I like to receive, but giving is more important to me.


What does a person in the level 4 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

A person can only make themselves happy. No one can do it for them.

I make myself happy by helping people. I feel happy when people appreciate what I do for them, but I don't take it personally if they don't.
I mentioned at the beginning that Core Energy levels 3 and 4 are the first anabolic energy levels. Now I'm asking you to look a little deeper.

What aspect of the level 3 mindset is anabolic?

What comes to mind for me is the freedom that comes when I realize that I am in control of my feelings instead of other people or my circumstance. 

I'll give you an example from my life.

When I was working in my corporate job, I was miserable because I was burned out on the work and burned out on the corporate experience. I hated going to work. I felt powerless and angry. I felt trapped because I believed I could not be happy without the substantial reliable income the job provided,  and I felt angry about being trapped. 

When I decided to quit my job and pursue my dream of becoming a life coach, my perspective and my feelings about going to work changed completely. There was light at the end of the tunnel - a light I created for myself. My stress about going to work and doing the job reduced immediately and decreased steadily as I approached my last day on the job.

So what happened? Why did my feelings change? The job wasn't different. My financial situation wasn't different. 

My feelings changed because my perspective changed, and my perspective changed because I changed my interpretation of my circumstance.

I realized that I felt trapped because I wasn't open to other possibilities of employment or other possibilities of career and income.

I shifted from the Core Energy level 1 mindset of "I am a powerless victim of circumstance." to the level 3 mindset of "I can change my feelings by choosing a different perspective. I can make myself happy."

Working with my life coach helped me make this energy shift.

This is what coaches do - empower you to shift from catabolic energy mindsets to anabolic energy mindsets.

After you shift to level 3, the sky is the limit for accomplishment and transformation as you shift  into higher anabolic energy levels.

I leave these questions for you as food for thought:

What aspect of the level 4 mindset is anabolic?

What is an example of the level 4 energy mindset in your life?

Not there yet? That's OK. Think of a benefit of shifting from your current mindset to a higher energy level.

As always I would love to hear your thoughts!

Want to read Part Three? Click here.

Want to receive weekly inspirations like this in your inbox?
Sign up for my email!

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Sharing Tree Part I

4/2/2019

Comments

 
​Sharing Tree

The Giving Tree I thought was good
Now I see unhealthy wood
It gave of self in rarest form
yet reaped no love in return
It gave and gave 'till none was left
save a stump - its one last gift
So when comes the very last page
the boy is old and tired with age
And still the boy does not see
the value of the Giving Tree
Despite the tree's steadfast will
the boy is old and unhappy still
I wonder would things different be
if it had been a sharing tree

There's so much good stuff to talk about with this poem, I am breaking the inspiration into parts.

Part 1:

This poem is about the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you are not familiar with the book, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it online via this PDF.  which has the full text and illustrations.

For my readers who do not want to read the whole story, I have written the summary below of the parts of the story relevant to this inspiration:

A little boy loves an apple tree, which he climbs and plays in every day, and the tree loves the boy. As the boy ages, he loses interest in climbing the tree and often leaves the tree alone for long periods of time. The tree misses the boy terribly.

One day the boy comes to the tree to ask for money, and the tree offer's the boy her apples to sell so he can get money and be happy. The boy takes the apples without thanking the tree and goes away for a long time. The tree is sad again.

This boy comes to the tree between long intervals throughout his life. Each time he requests the tree to give him something else, and tree does so at her own expense.

In addition to giving the boy her apples, the tree gives him her branches and then her trunk, until all that is left of her is a stump, which she also gives to him, hence the nameThe Giving Tree. 

The Giving Tree is happy every time she sacrifices part of herself for the boy because she thinks the sacrifices make him happy, and that's all that matters to her.

At the end of the book, when the Giving Tree has given literally all of herself to make the boy happy, he is still not happy.

When I read this book as a young child, I came to three conclusions that shaped my life well into adulthood.
  1. Loving means giving without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  2. I can make someone happy by giving to them without receiving regardless of the cost to me.
  3. I will be happy if I give without receiving regardless of the cost to me. 

What does loving mean to you?

What do you believe about giving and receiving?

What do you think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?


I want to explore these questions from the perspective of the Giving Tree as she responds to the boy's request for money in the different mindsets of the catabolic Core Energy levels - one and two. 
​

​I am touching lightly on the concepts of catabolic and anabolic energy here, defining them as destructive and constructive respectively. For an in depth discussion and examples of catabolic and anabolic energy, read my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog. 
If you are new to the concept of Core Energy, you may find yourself overwhelmed by all the information. 

This is perfectly normal.

Don't give up! Just take your time reading the inspiration. Use the links I've included to explore earlier inspirations in which I introduce the concept of Core Energy in detail.

Stop when your brain feels full, and come back to it when you are rested.

Level One Mindset


I introduced the core energy concept, levels of energy, and the Energetic Self Perception Chart in the You Are What You Speak blog  where we explored Core Energy level 1.   

Let's look at the tree's response from a level 1 mindset.

I can't help you. I have nothing to offer. I am worthless.


The core thought at level 1 is victim, which might show up like this:

I am a powerless victim of circumstance.

The core emotion is apathy, which might show up like this:

I can't make the situation any better, so there's no point in trying.

The result of level 1 core thought and core emotion is lethargy, which might show up like this:

I just don't have the energy to do anything.


Where do you see level 1 characteristics in the tree's response?


How does level 1 energy show up for you?


 
 
Q&A
What does loving mean to
 a person in the level 1 energy mindset?

I cannot experience love because I am not lovable.
My  love is worthless because I have nothing of value to offer.


What does a person in the level 1 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

Receiving is everything. I cannot afford to give because my needs are too great.

What does a person in the level 1 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

I need someone else to make me happy. I can't make anyone  happy.

Level Two Mindset


​Let's look at the tree's response from a level 2 mindset.

You've got a lot of nerve asking me for help when you left me alone for so long without so much as a thank you for all I've done for you. I suppose you want to get money by selling my apples! Not a chance! Get a job, and don't even think of taking my apples! If you try, I will smack you with my branches! 

I introduced core energy level 2 in my I've Seen The World From Both Sides Now blog.

The core thought at level 2 is conflict, which might show up like this:

I'm right and you're wrong.

The core emotion is anger, which might show up like this: 

People waste my time bringing me their problems when they should fix it themselves.

People try to take advantage of me.

Nobody appreciates what I do.


The result of level 2 core thought and core emotion is defiance, which might show up like this:

I'm not going to do it, and you can't make me!

Where do you see level 2 core characteristics in the tree's response?


How does level 2 energy show up for you?


Q&A
What does loving mean to a person in the level 2 energy mindset?

When someone tells me they love me I don't believe them. Saying "I love you" is just an manipulation - a way to get me to let my guard down so they can take advantage of me.

What does a person in the level 2 energy mindset believe about giving and receiving?

I deserve to receive more than I do because I do all the work.
I give to people who meet my expectations.


What does a person in the level 2 energy mindset think about the idea that a person can make someone else happy?

People make me happy when they meet my expectations and show appreciation for my effort.

I'm not interested in making other people happy.



I will leave you here for now to ponder what you've read today.

In Part 2, I will talk about the Sharing Tree from the perspective of the first two anabolic (constructive) Core Energy levels.

As always, I welcome your thoughts!

Want to read Part Two? Click here.

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I Carry It Like Luggage

2/23/2019

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Picture
Fear

I carry it like luggage
It is heavy and a burden,
but I need it I think
lest I cast my lot completely -
​in favor of joy

Fear has been a major theme of my life - so much so, that I believe it is one of my core life lessons.

You may have noticed this theme in many of the poems I've shared in these inspirations:

In my What to Do When Everything Is Riding On Your Decision blog, I share my poem "Outcome," in which I acknowledge my belief that the infinite possibilities of the unknown are something to fear.

Outcome

Why is it so, the less that I know
the more certain I am of it's content?
Fearful thinking fills the void
because the unknown is infinite


In my Survivor Tilt blog, I share my poem "Survivor Tilt," in which I acknowledge the origin of this belief as coming from my childhood trauma.

Survivor Tilt

When I feel now as I did then, I say to myself
It is, as I knew it would, happening again


In my Embracing Truth blog, I share my poem, "Truth," in which I reveal my insight that my fear of knowing the unknown traps me in a state of fear.

Truth

Truth is price and purchase,
burden and relief, and
passage from endless fear
to finite joy and grief.


In my Letting Go blog, I share my poem "Letting Go," in which I reveal my insight that the belief I should avoid what I fear may be denying myself a benefit rather than protecting me.

Letting Go

To cling to what I treasure and shun what I fear is not in itself the vice
That lies within the blind I wear and the will to pay its price -
To never know the value in the consequence I fear
or the detriment to life itself of that which I hold dear


Let's look at this week's poem "Fear."

I carry it like luggage

This is a metaphor for carrying the weight of fear my journey through life. 

It is heavy and a burden

Carrying fear like luggage through life's journey is living in catabolic energy - useful for a short time in stressful situations, but destructive physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually when maintained.   

but I need it I think

Where did this thought that I need fear come from? It came from the belief that the world is a dangerous place and that outcomes are likely to harm me. I believed fear was necessary to protect me from life. I believed experiences of joy would be few, far between, and need no preparation.

lest I cast my lot completely -
in favor of joy


In the last lines I am poking fun at myself for getting in my own way of experiencing joy because I carry the expectation of hardship everywhere I go.

In my coaching training, I learned that we are each of us a product of our belief system.

If we believe the world is a dangerous place, if we believe outcomes are likely to harm us, we embrace fear as a life partner.

When we embrace fear as a life partner, we shut out joy because joy does need preparation, and that preparation is expectation.

Expecting joy is living in anabolic energy, and energy attracts like energy. 

What role does fear play in your life?

How do you see life and the world you live in?

What are your thoughts on what I've said here?

As always, I would love to hear from you!

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Journey From Judging to Embracing Part 2- From Forgiveness to Acceptance

1/12/2019

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Picture
Life-ful Place

I find I want to kill what I am afraid to embrace
whether it be spiders, roaches or male sexuality

Now I am called to see them not as monsters -
but as Love with a new face

This thought, once impossible, is now but improbable -
that everything contained in life has a life-ful place

Welcome to Journey from Judging to Embracing Part 2 - From Forgiveness to Acceptance.

In my Journey From Judging to Embracing Part 1 blog, we explored how the first three lines of this poem describe my transition from hatred to forgiveness, from core energy level 2 to level 3 on the Energetic Self Perception Chart.,

It was a limited forgiveness. I let go of the judgment that they are monsters.I forgave them for being what they are. I rationalized that they were just made that way.

My higher power called for more still. Let's look at the fourth line.

but as love with a new face

Let me give you the context of this line.

When I lost my cats, Remus and Romulus, who had been with me for over 17 years, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine even having, much less loving other cats. I also felt I would be betraying my love for them if I loved other cats. But when they passed, I could not bare the emptiness of my home without cats because I have so much love to give, so I brought home Punch and Michaelangelo. (No, I did not misspell Michaelangelo - that's his name)

It was a rough transition. All I wanted from Punch and Michaelangelo was for them to be like Remus and Romulus so they could fill the hole in my heart. I grieved for Remus and Romulus every day, which I expected, but I also unexpectedly grew to love Punch and Michaelangelo for who they are.

One day I had an epiphany. I realized the love Punch and Michaelangelo gave me was the same love Remus and Romulus gave me. It was the universal Love I'd seen in the faces of all the cats I've ever had, my family, my friends, and every homeless person who smiles at me. Punch and Michaelangelo were Love with new faces.  

I realized then that Love would always come to me with a new face when one passed from my life.

So, back to the poem:

Now I am called to see them not as monsters,
but as Love with a new face


Could spiders, cockroaches and male sexuality be love with new faces?

To answer that question, I have to take into account a very important distinction.

Insects do not choose - they act instinctively. 

Men choose how to use their sexuality. My father did not hurt me because he was compelled by his sexuality. He chose to hurt me because he is a predator.

I have to ask my self, "Is it possible then, that male sexuality could be the face of Love?" Based on what I have learned from men friends who love their wives and partners, my answer is yes.

 
Think about the faces of love in your life.

Are they faces of the universal Love?

Now think about the faces that have hurt you.

Did a person hurt you by choice?

With what aspect of themselves did they hurt you?

Are you open to the possibility that the same aspect could be the face of Love on a different person?


After you answer these questions, turn your attention to the end of the poem.

This thought, once impossible, has become but improbable - 
that everything contained in life has a life-ful place


This shift in thinking was a major milestone on my journey from judging to embracing.

I've gone from thinking that what I fear to embrace is at best not a monster to acknowledging the possibility that everything in life, even what I fear, has a place - a life-ful place.


Here are some questions to help you make this journey.

What things or people in life do you think just shouldn't be?

What do you feel when you think this?

What do you do when you feel this way?

What do you think would happen if you thought and felt differently about it?

What would that do for you?

What would be a different powerful belief for you (whether you believe it now or not)?

Imagine this powerful new belief is true. How would that feel?

What would you do with this new feeling? Would you act differently? How?

Based on this new thought and feeling, what are you willing to do this week to take a step on your journey from judging to embracing?


Need an example? Take a look at my answers.

What things or people in life do you think just shouldn't be?
Spiders, roaches and male sexuality

What do you feel when you think this?
Angry

What do you do when you feel this way?
Lash out

What do you think would happen if you thought and felt differently about it?
I would not see them as threats.

What would that do for you?
Relieve my anxiety about them.

What would be a different powerful belief for you (whether you believe it now or not)?
Spiders: I do not see them as faces of Love because they are not capable of love. I could however considered that they might have the right to life.

Roaches: They also are not capable of love, and I still consider them vile detestable creatures I intend to kill if they cross my path inside. I could consider that they serve a purpose in the animal kingdom and therefore have the right to live outside.

Male sexuality: I could consider that It can be the face of Love when worn by men who choose to love.


Imagine this powerful new belief is true. How would that feel?
Peaceful

What would you do with this new feeling? Would you act differently? How?
Spiders: Allow a spider or two (very small ones) to live when they crossed my path.

Roaches: Not kill those I see outside

Male sexuality: Be open to the possibility of a safe experience

Based on this new thought and feeling, what are you willing to do this week to take a step on your journey from judging to embracing?
Spiders: Nothing

Roaches: Nothing

Male sexuality: Talk to a woman who was traumatized by male sexuality but has a safe experience now.

As you can see, I am still a work in progress.

I hope that sharing my journey from judging to embracing has inspired you to embark on your own.

If you would like a partner on your journey, I can help.

Schedule a complimentary session with me today!

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Journey From Judging to Embracing Part 1 - From Hatred to Forgiveness

1/4/2019

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Picture
Life-ful Place 

I find I want to kill what I am afraid to embrace -
whether it be spiders, roaches or male sexuality
 
Now I am called to see them not as monsters,
but as Love with a new face
 
This thought once impossible, has become but improbable -
that everything contained in life has a life-ful place
This poem is rich with insight and inspiration. In fact, it's got so much good stuff to think about, I'm going to break it into two parts, one this blog and the other the next blog.

Let's look at the first line.


I find I want to kill what I am afraid to embrace -

This insight into my motivation to kill came to me out of the blue. My experiences created the fears, deeply ingrained them into my psyche. From my fears sprang judgment that what I fear doesn't have the right to exist - at least not in my life. 

I was OK with that. Cool. I know myself better - awesome. 

What is your reaction to what I just told you? 

Are you thinking that I shouldn't think that way? Everybody has the right to their opinion? I can totally relate? Something I haven't mentioned?

I ask for your reaction because thinking about it brings awareness. Awareness is the first step toward raising consciousness, and I am all about raising people's consciousness.

Now consider the second line.


whether it be spiders, roaches or male sexuality

Why am I afraid to embrace spiders, roaches and male sexuality? I've been traumatized by all three.

I've killed countless spiders and roaches on sight in the unquestioning belief that I was ridding my world of a monster, and monsters do not have the right to exist.

I have neither killed a man nor obliterated a his sexuality, but I have believed that I had the right to, particularly  in the case of my father. I believed his sexuality is what made him a monster because that is how he hurt me. I came to the conclusion that the world would be a better place if male sexuality did not exist and that I would make it so given the chance. 

My judgment gave me a sense of safety and a sense of control. I was afraid to embrace what had traumatized me in the past because I was certain I would have the same experience. If they didn't exist, I didn't have to live with the risk of being hurt again.

At the same time, the judgment closed my mind to the possibility of a new experience, one I couldn't imagine while looking through the lens of fear.

Who or what are the monsters in your life? Who or what do you fear so much that you want to kill?

What does this perception of them do for you?

What does it do to you?



Let's look at the next line.

Now I am called to see them not as monsters,

Remember I said I was OK with being motivated by fear to kill? I filed this insight in the back of my mind as something interesting, but nothing to act on.

Well, that changed. My higher power called me to change my perception, to let go of my judgment.

"OK," I thought. I could consider them not as monsters. I could rationalize that they were just being themselves, and I could forgive them for being what they were. They couldn't help it - they were just made that way. I could tolerate them.

What happened here? How did this change come about? I'll tell you.

I shifted core energy levels from level 2 to level 3.

Recall from my I've Seen the World From Both Sides Now blog that the core thought associated with level 2 is conflict, the core emotionis anger, and the action is defiance.

In level 3, the core thought is responsibility, the core emotion is forgiveness, and the action is cooperation.

I took responsibility for my perception which enabled me to change it. Changing my perception enabled me to let go of the judgment of malicious intent associated with monsters. Letting go of this judgment in turn enabled me to forgive and change my actions from hate and kill to forgive and tolerate.  I could cooperate with their existence instead of destroying them.

This shift from level 2 to level 3 is pivotal because level 3 is the first anabolic core energy level in the Energetic Self Perception Chart. Anabolic energy is constructive because it increases awareness of our True Self, which brings success in life.

This concludes part 1. I leave you with two questions to consider.

In what aspect of your life are you living at core energy level 2? 

How would your life be different if you shifted your energy to level 3?

If you are struggling to answer these questions or would like help shifting your energy, schedule a complimentary session with me today.

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I've Seen the World From Both Sides Now

12/28/2018

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Picture
Rage

I feel the strength in my arms
shooting out my fists -
Pummeling, Pummeling, Pummeling
until exhaustion relinquishes my mind
back to reason
My eyes open and I see
what I have done
What do you think is going on in this poem?

Am I fighting off an attacker? Am I unleashing a blind rage on a harmless person? Or something else entirely?

No matter the interpretation, it's clear there's a powerful energy behind my actions.

I learned in iPEC coach training that there are two types of energy - anabolic and catabolic. Anabolic energy is constructive, and catabolic energy is destructive.

Which type of energy is fueling my actions in this poem? I'll give you a hint.

Think about the words Pummeling, Pummeling, Pummeling. 

What does pummeling do? Yes, it destroys, so catabolic energy is fueling my actions in this poem.

Our culture tends to label destructive as negative and constructive as positive, but I challenge you to think beyond this simplistic good-and-bad thinking. 

Both types of energies have advantages and disadvantages.

Consider the interpretation that I am fending off an attacker. What is the advantage of the catabolic energy in this scenario?

The catabolic energy that powers my pummeling is protecting me from harm.

How do you interpret the last four lines in this scenario?

until exhaustion relinquishes my mind
back to reason
My eyes open and I see
what I have done


Could I see my attacker defeated and powerless? Could I be amazed at my own strength and ability to defend myself? Could I be glad this primal emotion took over?

__________________________________________________________

What about the scenario where I'm relieving the stress of pent up rage by attacking someone who means me no harm?

Is acting from catabolic energy a disadvantage or advantage in this situation? Think again about the last four lines:

until exhaustion relinquishes my mind 
back to reason
My eyes open and I see
what I have done


What have I done? I have harmed an innocent and, in doing so, harmed myself because my actions are misaligned with my True Self.

My True Self takes responsibility for my feelings and respects others' right to be safe with me when they are not a threat.

Can you see the advantage of anabolic energy in this situation? Conversely, acting from anabolic energy in the face of an attacker is a distinct disadvantage because it it misaligned with my True Self's value of self-preservation.

In my You Are What You Speak blog, I introduced you to the concept of core energy, and we looked at the characteristics of level 1 energy.

I encourage you to look again at Bruce D Schneider's Energetic Self Perception Chart, and find the core energy level I was in when I wrote this poem.

Here are some questions to consider?

What is my core thought? What is my core emotion? What is my action?

If you said level 2, you are right.

My core thought is conflict, my core emotion is anger, and my action is defiance.

Core energy levels 1 and 2 are catabolic. As I said earlier, catabolic energy has both advantages and disadvantages, but in the long term, it is a disadvantage because staying in catabolic energy eventually destroys the person in it.

The purpose of my coaching is to raise the anabolic energy of the world one person at a time.

If you would like to raise your anabolic energy, I can help you.

Schedule a complimentary session with me today!

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You Are What You Speak

12/27/2018

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Picture
Oh, Clock
 
Oh, clock
You're omniscient -
Tell me slow or efficient,
early or late
congratulate or berate
 
Oh, clock
There's so much I need to know -
Can I stay longer or do I need to go?
Have I put my time in or am I duty bound
to stick around?
 
Oh, clock
What o'clock is it now? pm or am?
Should I shout out "Jesus!" or "Amen!"?
 
Oh, clock
I am hurting, in pain
You know I took something
When will it kick in?
Must I get up now or can I sleep in?
 
Oh, clock
How long have I been waiting -
dreading, anticipating?
Do you mind if I vent?
Am I justified in being irritated
or should I consider the time well spent?
 
Oh, clock
I implore you -
Let me ignore you -
I so want to
heed neither hour nor minute,
but only the moment
and life I have in it
Can you relate to this poem?

I wrote it about a week before I decided to quit my corporate job. It brought to the surface how I really perceived myself and my life - that I was a slave to the clock and that's just the way life is, (oh, but how I wish there was another option). 

I've shared this poem to introduce you to the concept of core energy - the energy we show up with in life.

There are seven levels of core energy. Bruce D. Schneider, the founder of iPEC, created a great visualization of these core energy levels in his Energetic Self-Perception Chart. I invite you to take a look at it now and use it as a reference for the rest of this inspiration.

Each energy level is associated with a core thought, which leads to a core emotion, which leads in a core action/result.

For example, level 1 energy is the energy of someone who sees themselves as powerless, a victim. They see life as something that happens to them, and they have no control over their experiences, so they are  apathetic about trying to change things. The result is that a person in level 1 energy is lethargic. 


Can you see my level 1 energy in this poem? Here are some clues:

In the first stanza, I don't even have the confidence to decide what to think of myself. I believe only the omniscient clock has that power.

Oh, clock
You're omniscient -
Tell me slow or efficient,
early  or late
congratulate or berate


In the second stanza, I believe I have no choice in how to spend my time. The clock both assigns and releases me from obligations.

Oh, clock
There's so much I need to know -
Can I stay longer or do I need to go?
Have I put my time in or am I duty bound
to stick around?


In the fifth stanza, I'm asking the clock for justification of my feelings and permission to express them.

Oh, clock
How long have I been waiting -
dreading, anticipating?
Do you mind if I vent?
Am I justified in being irritated
or should I consider the time well spent?


Now you try! What evidence of level 1 energy do you see in this stanza?

Oh, clock
I am hurting, in pain
You know I took something
When will it kick in?
Must I get up now or can I sleep in?


How about this one?

Oh, clock
I implore you -
Let me ignore you -
I so want to
heed neither hour nor minute,
but only the moment
and life I have in it


OK, enough about what level 1 energy looks like. How do you get out of it?


Change your language!

Changing your language changes your reality. Changing your words empowers you to reframe your perception of yourself and the world. Here are some examples from my poem:

Level 1: Oh, clock, There's so much I need to know - Can I stay longer or do I need to go?
Reframe: I choose to stay longer or I choose to go.

Level 1: Oh, clock, I implore you - Let me ignore you - I so want to heed neither hour nor minute, but only the moment and life I have in it
Reframe: I choose to live in the moment to appreciate every minute of life I have. 


Now it's your turn! List a couple of your level 1 thoughts, and reframe them into empowering statements. 

Here are some tips:

Replace victim language such as, "I think," "I must," or "I have to" with empowering language such as, "I know," "I do not know," or "I choose."

I would love for you to share with me your level 1 thoughts and how you've reframed them!

I can help you continue to empower yourself through coaching!

Schedule a complimentary session with me today!

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    Author

    Joyce Collins is a life coach who specializes in helping women who were sexually abused as a child to transform themselves into confident women who love themselves and lead fulfilling lives.

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