Joyce Collins Coaching Blog

All Our Deeds Are Potter's Clay

3/25/2019

Every Deed

Every deed both cruel and kind
Falls on fertile ground and
Finds a mate to spawn again
'Til kings of kings are crowned

Tempt this does to measure worth
Of praise or scarlet letter
Tally thorn and vine since birth
And sum the deeds together

But all our deeds are potter's clay -
At last if not at first
And none can take our worth away
Or nullify our worst

I wrote "Every Deed" as comfort for someone dear to me who was agonizing over harm done because it could not be undone and because the initial harm led to further harm over time.

Although I wrote the poem before I became a coach, many of the principles I learned in training compliment the messages in the poem, so I have interspersed them in purple text throughout the inspiration.

Let's look at the first stanza of the poem.

Every deed both cruel and kind
Falls on fertile ground and
Finds a mate to spawn again
'Til kings of kings are crowned

It is true that harm done to one person causes harm to others over time.

"Hurt people hurt," a friend of mine said, and I agree. Intentionally or unintentionally, knowingly or unknowingly, wounded people wound people.

A perfect example is the passing on of emotional wounds from parent to child from generation to generation.

If you are distressed about the proliferation of harm from something you did, take heart - it works the other way too.

Love also propagates! Kindness inspires kindness, takes root in the heart and proliferates through our six degrees of separation.

Consider the far reaching and long term impact of words of encouragement. How many people we think of as heroes attribute their courage to act to words of encouragement from a parent, a friend, a coach, a stranger?

Everything we do is out there - cruelty, kindness, and everything in between.

Life is fertile ground and we all have "green fingers."
The second stanza is about the natural tendency to judge ourselves and others.

Tempt this does to measure worth
Of praise or scarlet letter -

It is human nature to judge - to take the measure of worth.

Typically people think of judgment solely in terms of labels such as shameful or worthless.

If this is your perception, I invite you to broaden your idea of judgment to include any measure of worth, which includes assessments such as praiseworthy and impeccable.

And now a little diversion to explain the meaning of "scarlet letter."

The picture above is a painting by Hugues, Merle, which depicts Hester Prynne and her daughter, Pearl, characters in Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel "The Scarlet Letter."

I will give you the briefest of summaries here and encourage you to read more in this Wikipedia article. or better still, read the novel.

Hester Prynne, is a young woman who has given birth to a baby fathered by a man other than her husband. She is required to wear a scarlet "A" on her dress when she is in front of the townspeople to shame her. The letter "A" stands for adulteress. Her sentence required her to stand on the scaffold for three hours, exposed to public humiliation, and to wear the scarlet "A" for the rest of her life.

The scarlet letter in my poem is a reference to the judgment of shame symbolized by Hester's scarlet letter. However it is not specific to adultery or any other act, but is symbolic of judgment that a person is worthy of shame.

Consider these questions as food for thought on this subject:

Have you ever wondered if you are a good person?

Have you ever wondered if you've lived a good life?

If you haven't, take some time to do it now.

How did you approach this question?

Did you look for the answer by "adding up" the harm and good you've done, and compare the total of one to the other?

This is "adding up" what I describe in the second part of the stanza.

Tally thorn and vine since birth
And sum the deeds together

Maybe, instead you weighed each deed in your mind as to it's effect on your worth.

Is one deed so impactful that it nullifies the effects of all others?

Consider the words of the last stanza.

But all our deeds are potter's clay -
At last if not at first
And none can take our worth away
Or nullify our worst

We each have a higher coach.

You may have another name such as higher power, God, spirit, universe, or something else.

The concept is the same - the all-knowing, unlimited source of our existence.

For me, the source is God, so that is the name I will use.

I think of God as a potter and all our deeds as potter's clay.

A potter has unlimited creative ability with clay. The effects of even the most heinous deeds are malleable.

Harm can become healing. Healing can become growth. Growth can become inspiration.

Cruelty can become remorse. Remorse can become compassion. Compassion can become kindness.

Some transformations happen quickly, some take a years, and some take lifetime, which is what I mean by at last if not at first.

What do I mean by and none can take our worth away?

I mean that neither deeds or their effects can take our worth away.

In fact nothing we do raises or lowers our worth because worth is intrinsic to our being, not our doing.

Each one of us is a perfect, unique energy force.

We have infinite worth because we are created from the infinite worth of source.

Our level of true awareness is related to our lack of judging.

I want to clarify that I am speaking about judgment of a person's worth as opposed to judgment of their actions.

True awareness of our worth is related to conscious recognition that human worth is intrinsic and infinite.

To judge our worth is to restrict our perception of it to something that can be measured and changed.

It is impossible to hold both views.

Finally, what do I mean by or nullify our worst?

I am referring to the "adding up" of harm or good done and the belief that impact of one deed negates the impact of others.

As I said in the beginning, it's all out there - everything we've done - irretrievable and indelible, but that's ok because

All our deeds are potter's clay -
At last if not at first

As always, I love to hear your thoughts!

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The One

3/17/2019

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I'm going to do a little something different in this inspiration. Normally, you would see a poem at the beginning and I would weave it into an inspirational message.

However this time, there are three poems I wish to share and much to say about them, so I will show you one at a time and discuss each in turn.

"The One" expresses a life-long longing stemming from my childhood.

"Deaf Until I Listen,"is also related to my childhood, although surprisingly I wrote it prior to my memories of incest surfacing.

"In," is a powerful poem of self-discovery.

The One

I see your face at the end of wait
The one day of someday
The liquid of longing gone past
It is to me the fulfillment of dreams,
the soothing of wounds,
the rising of joy at last
All this would be so,
I know, I know
if your lot with mine
were cast

What or who comes to mind for you when you think of The One?

When I wrote this poem and for a long time after, "the one" was the perfect romantic partner with whom to share my life. This person would heal the wounds of my past by filling the gaping whole in my soul with love, affirmation, and affection.

I was certain beyond any doubt that happiness, joy and fulfillment were to be found only in an intimate relationship with such a person. I was also certain that only one person in the world could be my life mate, hence my belief in The One.

In my coach training I learned that

The answers to all questions lie within.

This principle means that when we look inward to ourselves, we find what we are looking for, whatever we are looking for - self-esteem, confidence, the solution to a problem, or the pathway to fulfill a dream to name a few.

This is not to say that relationship with others is not important, but the contribution of those relationships to our life depends entirely on the relationship with self.

The first principle leads to two more:

Each one of us is a perfect unique energy force.

Each of us is greater and wiser than we appear to be.

We come here as complete perfect beings with a seed of self- knowing and self-loving at our center.

That seed grows into consciousness when we look for it where it's always been - inside.

Deaf Until I Listen

I try to make her see it -
this wounded child of mine
Nothing is as it was
There's no reason for the pain
But she is deaf until I listen,
rigid until I yield
all-consuming until I surrender,
lame until I bridge the gap
and walk it back again.

This wounded child of mine refers to my inner child - the part of me that was carrying old pain I hadn't dealt with. She was all-consuming, calling constantly and loudly for my attention. I chose not to listen because I did not want to feel pain.

I tried rationalizing that there was no reason for me to be in pain now because I was out of the situation that caused the pain. Nothing is as it was. There's no reason for the pain. This argument did not hold water with my inner child - she was deaf to me.

I still did not listen. I wanted to feel happy, so I dedicated my attention to finding The One.

I thought I had found The One 10 times. Each time, I tried to inspire love by handing over an emotional blank check, believing I would receive happiness in return.

Each relationship ended in devastation from being rejected. I believed that what I had to offer was not enough to inspire the love I longed for, so I did not deserve it.

I am sure you will not be surprised to learn that I was often in the grips of a depression, which grew deeper with each failed attempt to find The One.

I eventually came to the conclusion that The One does not exist.

This new belief opened my mind to looking elsewhere for happiness.

I began to pay attention to inner child, who had never stopped calling me inward. I finally yielded. I surrendered my abject determination to avoid pain I bridged the gap between us. I listened to her story and felt her pain - my pain.

The pain was all-consuming as I feared it would be, but feeling it, holding space for it, showed me I could heal my hurt myself.

In

I never thought to live in my house,
To renovate the rooms
I only sought to get out -
To live in something new

Ten times I left, Ten times I built
That house again the same
From breakfast nook to ceiling fan
From brick to window pane

In my rage I tore it down -
Stripped in to the frame
And in the end found myself out
Through a door that opened in

My house in this poem represents me. Renovate the rooms means to work on myself.

Wanting to live in something new represents my desire to leave the self I don't like behind, and find the person I want to be in an outside experience.

The ten times I left that house and built it again the same are the ten unsuccessful attempts to find happiness in a relationship with The One.

I had a custom house built in my twenties. Shortly after moving in I realized that I had designed the house to be exactly like my childhood home - from breakfast nook to ceiling fan, from brick to window pane.

In my rage, I tore it down, stripped it to the frame. Rage at being unable to find what I wanted through The One, led me to abandon the belief that The oneexisted. I let go of the idea that I needed someone else to heal my wounds.

And in the end found myself out through a door that opened in represents the result of working on my relationship with myself by looking inward.

I found out that I am the source of my happiness, I have the ability to heal my wounds and fulfill my dreams.

I am The One.

You are The One in your life too.

Having trouble believing this?

If you are willing to do the hard work of healing, I can help you through coaching.

Reach out to me!

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Feeling is Healing

3/17/2019

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Sit With It

I sit quietly and cry at least
two streams from closed lids
Glad to ignore the alarm on my phone
Glad to sit with it alone

Rock of Sadness

Sometimes I thrash with bitter stroke
in a pool of discontent
Then, my anger spent
I dry myself on a rock of sadness
under a sky that has no sun
I do these things and let them claim me
for they and I are one

Gut Wound

A dream dies, mortally wounded by the acceptance of reality
I ask it to go quietly, but it does not -
It is a gut wound

I cry out to God "Why are you? Why do you do this to me?"
but no answer comes

After a time, I alter my question
How do I find it?
In what form comes relief?
Soon comes the answer
In grief
In grief

I want to talk about the value of holding space for our feelings. What does it mean to hold space for a feeling? To hold space for a feeling is to dedicate undivided, unlimited, and unconditional attention for the purpose of fully experiencing the depth and breadth of an emotion.

As as humans, we tend to do this readily with emotions that stimulate the pleasure center of our brain, but not so much for emotions that arise from wounding experiences. I am referring to emotions such as sadness, loneliness, anger, shame, and grief to name a few.

The value of holding space for an emotion is in the healing power that comes from holding space. In short, feeling is healing.

I've written three poems on this subject, "Sit With It," "Rock of Sadness," and "Gut Wound."

Let's look at Sit With It first.

I sit quietly and cry at least
two streams from closed lids
Glad to ignore the alarm on my phone
Glad to sit with it alone

This poem was inspired by a time when I learned I was going to experience a loss in the near future. My initial response was to run from feeling my sadness about it. I had been avoiding anything that reminded me of the upcoming loss and kept myself busy enough to distract myself from emotions. This was my standard response to uncomfortable feelings. I thought that if I started crying, I would never stop, that the pain would never end.

For the first time in my life, and I can't explain why, I chose to face the fear of my sadness and feel it all the way through. At that time in my life, I had a bazillion alarms set on my phone to remind me to do things - things I thought were important.

While I was sitting there feeling my sadness, one alarm after another sounded on my phone, but I ignored them. I was holding space for my emotion - without condition, without time limit, and without distraction.

And you know what? The crying did end. The sadness dissipated, and I was able to face the loss without fear.

Let's look at Rock of Sadness.

Sometimes I thrash with bitter stroke
in a pool of discontent
Then, my anger spent,
I dry myself on a rock of sadness
under a sky that has no sun
I do these things and let them claim me
for they and I are one

This poem was inspired by the loss of a dream. Something I wanted to happen with every fiber of my being did not happen. I was both angry and sad about it. I tried to stop feeling angry and sad and just accept the reality of the situation, but I couldn't.

I realized that I wanted to be angry; I wanted to be sad. I wasn't ready to feel better. I needed to honor those feelings by allowing them expression because they are part of me. Honoring my feelings was honoring myself. I gave myself all the time I needed to fully experience and express my feelings - I held space for them.

Now for Gut Wound.

A dream dies, mortally wounded by the acceptance of reality
I ask it to go quietly, but it does not -
It is a gut wound

I cry out to God "Why are you? Why do you do this to me?"
but no answer comes

After a time, I alter my question
How do I find it?
In what form comes relief?
Soon comes the answer
In grief
In grief

This poem was inspired by another dream that I desperately wanted to come true, but didn't and the poem has continued to inspire me through many other "gut wounds."

At the time I wrote the poem, I felt persecuted by God. My life had been one painful experience after another - one unfulfilled longing after another. I felt unworthy of happiness, and that what I longed for was wrong to want.

I gave up on understanding why these experiences kept happening, and looked for relief from the pain. As I describe in the other poems, the healing came from holding space for the feeling I didn't want to feel, in this case, grief.

It worked!

On a side note, I believe I did not get an answer to my question of why God is doing this to me because God was not "doing" anything to me. It's like asking someone why the sky is green. They can't possibly answer that question because the sky isn't green. More on this in a future inspiration.

Back to holding space. If you remember nothing else from this inspiration, remember that feeling is healing.

There is no other way to heal, and no food, drink, drug, or distraction will eliminate the need to feel.

As a coach I hold space for my clients by patiently remaining silent when my client is experiencing a difficult emotion and encouraging them to take all the time they need.

How have you ever held space for your feelings?

What feelings did you honored by holding space?

What happened as a result of holding space for your feelings?

Did you experience healing?

If you have not held space for your feelings, how open are you to trying it now?

If you would like help with holding space, I can help you through coaching.

Write to me! As always, I love to hear your thoughts!

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All Our Deeds Are Potter's Clay

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The One

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Feeling is Healing

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All Our Deeds Are Potter's Clay

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The One

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Feeling is Healing

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